A
female
age
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*ottie
writes:About 2 months ago, I found out that my partner of 14 years (who is a Policeman) was receiving and sending flirtatious text messages to a wpc at work. We had a big row and he apologised and said that he had never been out with her and it had all been a bit silly and then ended. We were ok for a couple of months but lately (although I knew he looked at porn) I found him sending crude messages via e-mail (and he received some replies) from these loose "women" on these sites. I confronted him and although he was mortified and very sorry. From a deep conversation that we had last night, it appears that as we met when he was 23 and I am 10 years older than him, that it may be because he would like to go and sew some wild oats as he never had much of a chance to do before. He said he loves me and our daughter who is 12 and thinks that these e-mail messages are probably a release for him rather than him going off and having an affair. I told him the ball is in his court and he is seriously thinking about what to do. I told him that if he goes I wont have him back. He has also mentioned that he has always wanted to give anal sex but I told him to forget it. Is this just a fantasy or is this normal behaviour for a 38 year old man? Help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): He may well love you, but that's a separate issue from his addiction, his restlessness etc. He *needs* you perhaps but doesn't *want* you or doesn't *want to need you*. He loves his daughter and being a family man but also feels constrained and straitjacketed by it. His behaviour is classic. His head and heart, ego and higher self are all over the place and in conflict. He needs help with his internet porn addiction - nothing wrong IMO with looking at a few sexy images (maybe look at them together), but if he's trying to coerce you into doing something you find repellent, then that's not right. He sounds like he's ripe for an affair, and I think you could do with some kind of relationship counselling. If he's unwilling, then you'll get a true sense of his commitment.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): KEEP AN EYE ON HIM!
I have been married for 18 years I thought everything was great, until I bought a computer. My husband was going on the same sights, also curious about the anal sex. He then got so involved that I couldn't get a word in. He pretended to be selling merchandise. In Nov/06 I found messages from women then he started missing days at work, my nightmare came true he was having an affair with a woman who promised him all the anal sex he desired she had a fetish and to his nightmare she turned out to have a crack cocaine habit, hep-c, and many men through her apartment and I found OUT! Please don't take it lightly your husband and these e-mails this is how it starts mid-life crisis BS what about us WOMEN WITH MENOPAUSE we dont go out and screw any men because of out hotflashes OH I am mad now.......Better Go GOD BLESS...
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A
female
reader, dottie +, writes (9 January 2008):
dottie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your replies ladies. He sent me a text today whilst i was at work asking how I was and I said that I was very sad. He then replied and said "I still love you but dont know where we are at anymore x"One thing I didnt mention earlier is that he drinks too much as well. Sometimes 10 tins of lager a night. I cant blame the porn on him being drunk though as I have found messages from 09.30 in the morning and 4.45pm in the evening when he has just got in from work. Most of the arguments we have are about his alcohol intake. He is actually a realy nice bloke apart from all this! I do actually agree about what Sugarbuns said and think he may also be staying for the security factor. If he says he loves me, surely he cant if he is visiting these sites??Dottie
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Yes I think he's having a mid-life meltdown and trying to chase after his missed youth. There won't be much you can do to stop him. He's already crossed the line in my opinion. If he stays you'll have to keep a close eye on him for God knows how long. He may only be staying for the security factor and the fear of being alone, since you said you wouldn't take him back and because he has a daughter. As far as anal sex goes, a good majority of men with small penises like anal sex because it's a tighter orfice than the vagina and makes them feel larger than they actually are. If you don't want to experiment, then don't. It's your body and alot of women don't enjoy it or find it stimulating in the least bit.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Anal sex is probably from watching those porns. He could be wanting to try out and get the experience.Most men watch porn but if it is addictive and spend many hours surfing and looking at porn , then he may have a problem.
It could be a phase in his life dealing with cyber sex .Some move on but others can get caught in the trap. It is wrong as they are spending too much time on the pc chatting with their online g/f's.
Sometimes, it is a sexual release for some man but if it affects their wife, they should stop it.Or they do it away from home without their wives knowledge.
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