A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I started college and started dealing with this guy on and off for like 8 months we were never in a relationship because we both decided that the timing was off since he would be leaving to go out of state for grad school. We decided on being friends but one day he told me he had feelings for me and can’t leave me alone. As time went on we caught deep feelings for each other, I would hang out with him and his friends and we would always have heart to hearts, we formed a strong bond. We pretty much cut it off and started dealing with other people but even in the beginning stages of him talking to the girl he’s “with” now he has always been constantly worried about me. I cut off all contact with him like 3 weeks ago. I ran into him at a store and he was very excited to see me. He waited a couple of days after to send me a video out of the blue to strike up a convo with me, we’ve been texting and even FT’D since. He’s been very eager for me to come over and constantly wonders about what I’m doing, once I told him I didn’t know when I would be free he told me to let him know when I will be so we can go do something. I didn’t respond but last night I was gonna go hang with him but out the blue he replied with “Don’t you have a bf lol” I replied asking if he had a gf and he told me “yeah pretty much, same chick” so we went to arguing and I asked “Is that the girl you want?” and he responded “Yeah that’s why I’m with her lol” which started an argument, so after we calmed down he still invited me over again. The thing is he has feelings for me and it’s obvious to see when in person and through text, it’s never been anything sexual between us and he knows nothing would happen if I were to go over there by him. I’m confused as to why is he still putting a lot of energy into trying to talk to me and effort when he has a gf? Like why is he still tryna spend time with me if thats the girl he wants? Especially when we were involved with each other right before and had very strong feelings for each other but it all ended badly. I have never been a push over at all and he knows this, he knows I have no problem with letting him go and finding someone new so my question is, what is going on with him and why can’t he leave me alone?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 June 2018):
 Even if you came over to his place and it wouldn't lead to sex, you shouldn't because you have feelings for each other. You can't be 100% confident that there won't be sex. I've heard so many stories of people who've had this tension building up and then one thing led to another. He just wants to see you just to prove you have feelings for him still because it makes his ego happy. You will never be platonic friends with him and it would be unfair to his girlfriend that you are using this seemingly safe label or nonstatus label to hang onto whatever feelings you have. He won't be stopping you from seeing other guys, but if there's an opportunity that you would be bumping into him, he would take advantage of that. I doubt his feelings for you are strong. He's just an opportunist. Telling you about his girlfriend could just be making you jealous. Lots of friends ending sleeping with each other upon hearing that the other is attached with someone else, as if the fact itself is an aphrodisiac. It doesn't make any sense but it happens a lot. Next time you see him just treat him as an old acquaintance and nothing more.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2018):
 Why doesn't he just leave you alone?
Good question.
But an even BETTER question would be, IF you know he has a GF and SHE is the one he wants to be with WHY don't you cut contact, block him from reaching out to you and work on moving on yourself?
You make it sound like HE has all the power here. That HE should be the one not reaching out to you. (which I might add I agree hat he shouldn't since he has a GF and it's inappropriate to try and keep you around on the side - however HE is choosing to not respect his GF or you.)
I have no clue what " FT’D" means so I can't answer about that.
You say he has "feelings" for you - that you can "see" that through the shared texts... Well, he might have "feelings" but not deep and caring ones. And you might "see" what you WANT to see in his texts as well as him texting what he KNOWS you want to hear. After all, it's working... you are still in contact with this guy.
I think he is trying to pull the "she (you) is JUST a good friend even if he knows you have deeper feelings and HE has a GF. But in short I think he is using YOU as an ego rub. To have some girl who REALLY likes him at his beck and call and also have a GF - that makes him seem like ALL the girls want him...
Honestly, OP I think the BEST thing you can do is totally cut him off. You HAVE romantic feelings towards him and he is UNAVAILABLE.
What's is the point? He isn't your friend. You aren't looking to BE his friend. And HE has a GF. For a moment put yourself in her shoes... you wouldn't like it ONE bit if your BF was stringing along another girl like that.
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