A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I as of late have been very sexually unactive. Due to his job and both of us having immense studies, protective parents (on my account), etc, we haven't had any sexual relation together for a couple of months (even making out or groping).There have been times when we've had time to fool around that I've thrown myself at him (or tried to seduce him), and usually it doesn't work.. and if it does work, he gets off and doesn't do much to satisfy me in response.I thought I was a turn off, so I confronted him about it, and he says he still loves me and thinks I'm as sexy as he thought I was ages ago, but his actions don't match his words. I told him this, and he got angry with me and said he was sick of hearing me ask him, and that it's because he's always tired and also doesn't want to get caught/get us in turmoil with my parents.The way he words it, I feel wrong for wanting to pursue sex, because he made it seem like I didn't care about the love in our relationship, that he'd be willing to sacrifice lust/sex in return for getting what time together we have.So... basically, my question is this:Is he fibbing, am I a turn-off, or does he just have a low sex drive lately? And if the problem is fixable, how do I go about fixing it?Thanks,Beck.
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (7 October 2007):
It sounds like you two have been together for a while. I think it's natural for the sex in a long term relationship to ebb and flow. Definately don't pressure him though, that won't help at all. Pressure is a turn off. Be sweet and understanding, that will open the door for him to feel loving towards you again. Of course, not to be a trouble maker or freak you out, but the darker scenario could be that he's lost interest in you, or is interested in someone else. Most college age guys have a very active libido, tired or no.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): Hi,
Your boyfriend isn't fibbing, he is telling you how he feels and you need to respect that in order to respect him.
He may feel your relationship is going too fast, or he is under alot of pressure lately (immense studies, protective parents) and he may be also afraid of leading you on, when perhaps he is not ready for a full blown relationship and he feels guilty using you for sex.
I am afraid that throwing yourself at him and getting angry if he won't give you sex is a turn off to a man....think about this, would you like it if a guy did that to you, not respecting your feelings for wanting to wait? It would make you feel like sex was the only thing keeping them there....so now you know, and I bet if you back off and enjoy his company, his sexual feelings will return in time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): Stress can make it hard for people to perform in bed... maybe he is nervous about performing because it's been so long since you have had sex as well. He may be afraid that he has lost his touch.
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