A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been best friends with this guy for the last couple years, and we have an amazing friendship. Lately we've started blurring the line of friendship however, and we've entered "Friends with benefits" territory. We're both okay with this, because we have a good foundation of trust. The thing is, last night went a lot farther than I had really expected. While we both have fooled around quite a bit, we're both still virgins. So I asked him straight forward how he would feel about having sex. He said "sure". I told him that I wanted to lose my virginity to someone I trust, and that I trusted him. He said "I would be okay with it." I then told him I had no idea how he felt, and that "I would be okay with it" wasn't enough for me to go off of. He said "I'm sorry, what should I say?" And I said, "Maybe you could flat out say what you want, instead of being so elusive, because I'm not sure where you stand. Even just saying 'I want to have sex with you would be enough'." And he said "I want to have sex with you."I don't want to put words in his mouth, I want him to tell me how he feels. He's always been so sensitive and elusive in this manner, but I think it's important that he shares his feelings about this.... sex is a big step. Don't get me wrong, he was completely respectful and polite during this conversation, the tone wasn't weird or anything.... it just seemed closed, that's all. I could see he really wanted to have sex in his actions, but being unsure about his feelings made me unsure about MY feelings. Should I wait to lose my virginity to someone more emotionally mature/open? Should I talk this out with him more? Am I over analyzing this?!?!?!And HOW do I get him to be more assertive or open about sharing his feelings?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): You're asking about his maturity but what you're complaining about is just passivity on his part. That's a different thing entirely.
It's pretty easy to find some damn assertive guys who are also dangerously immature.
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