A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have been friends with a guy for about 2 or so years now and over recent months me and him have both expressed deeper feelings for each other. I truly do love him, and I am not using that world lightly either. I care for him so much, more then I have for anyone else and he treats me so well with respect and love. He makes me feel good about myself like no one else can. He is kind and understanding and we just seem to 'get each other'. I know for sure he feels the same way about me as well. Yet the thing is, we aren't a 'couple' or in more then a friendship relationship offically. I guess perhaps that is because we both live in different cities? Yet we are hoping that since he has just finished school that his new job will move him back here (I can't move due to I'm still in school). What do I do? Help! I really love him and would love to try a long distance relationship, yet I'm not sure if he wants to. He constantly expresses his love for me yet we haven't talked about actually being in a relationship or not. I know he's not seeing anyone and neither am I. He even told me the other day a girl fancied him but he said he didn't want to go out wiht her because he didn't have feelings for her, like he does for me and no one can beat that. I'm just really confused right now. I don't know if he thinks we are in a relationship or not, or even if we should give it a go. If we did, I think the bad thing would be that I would constantly be worrying because I know that guys have wants/needs for the physical side...so I don't know how well it would work.Please any advice or ideas or help or anything would be very much appricated. I'm just so lost and confused right now. It's so hard, because sometimes I just think what if we never get ot be together. We think that his job will post him here at the end of this year, but what if it doesnt happen? I would of spent all that time hoping and then just to be let down. Please helpppp!!! Thank you so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks chilly-g, I like how you pointed out that in history long distance relationships were apart of it, like saliors and in the times of war when soliders left there wives. I think my guy would be willing tto travel to see me as his work is going to give him free flights to anywhere in our coutnry! Yet still it will be so hard. I'm still so confused.
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reader, chilly-g +, writes (8 January 2006):
IT DEPENDS.
I was just dumped from the most wonderful relationship I've ever had. I'm 48 and she's 45. We met last January. I live in Washington DC and she lives in Colorado. Because I travel a lot, I was able to visit her twice during the year. She dumped me Christmas Day, telling me she loved her former boyfriend and she was so sorry she had broken his heart. I knew she had kinda dumped him for me, so I could see the pity there. But her justification for the breakup was that the long distance situation made her believe we "are not meant to be". I now realize that she may be emotionally immature, but in the year I got to know her, this was the first inkling I had of this insight.
Since then, SEVERAL women have approached me online from England, Florida and Richmond, VA. They all seem interested in starting long-term relationships with me. Having just experienced a truly loving one (while it lasted), I realize that it COULD work but depends on the two individuals. BUT, at least one of the two MUST be willing to travel to visit the other periodically during the time apart. I don't think a long-distance relationship is likely to survive more than 2 or 3 years unless both partners were already in love and were satisfied with each other prior to the separation. But if you think about it, we have a long history of long-distance relationships from the past when sailors had to leave their women for months or years at a time. This was my second long-distance relationship. This one crashed. In my first one, my first wife and I were both active duty military people. I had to go to Guam for two years, while she stayed in New Mexico. We married a month after my return from Guam. Our mutual love and care got us through it. We divorced after five years of a nice marriage.
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