A
female
age
30-35,
*ymmyb
writes:Im 19 and Im in a relationship with a 22 year old. When we had sex for the 1st time he acted very insecure to a point he won't take his clothes off. I know he is a bit chunky but i told him i like him for who he is but he doesnt agree. Now its to a point to where he doesn't want to have sex with me nd he tells me that he doesn't like sex.I'm not sure I'm petite and im confident with my body but he's not. Now we're at a point where he thinks I'm cheating and he won't even kiss me he just rushes us to have sex and I'm not comfortable with that. All of his friends find me attractive but I dont know if he likes me the same anymore. He acts very distant and insecure about himself. Should i keep this guy??
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): OP you have your work cut out for you on this one. trancedrhythmear is right you do have to do all those things but in all honesty it won't change a thing. Dating someone that insecure is a nightmare and it is a hell of a lot or work constantly reassuring them.
You see trancedrhythmear said "VERY insecure about my body because in general I know women like skinny, lean guys... not some giant King Kong who can throw a tire like a rag doll." We both know that's not true OP and only trancedrhythmear can change his attitude about that no one can do that for him. I've seen many of trancedrhythmear's answers here and he's very intelligent and has great insight into things but even he can't help how he feels about this. Even though I know from seeing his posts that he knows that women love every type of man (because I've seen him tell women that we guys like all types of physique on them) and there's no such thing as "in general" and if there was then "in general women don't really care about a guys body" would be more true, he still can't help it.
OP like trancedrhythmear your boyfriend needs to figure this out for himself if he can't then you're going to have a long hard relationship fighting his insecurity, his jealousy and constantly having to reassure him that he's not ugly etc. All you can do is try and show him how you feel by taking in every part of his body when you're with him show him that you love his body not just say you do. Give it a bit of time and keep trying but set yourself a limit OP. I say you talk to him about this frankly and openly and tell him you're not happy with the way things are, he's too closed off and won't let you in and it's time he started to trust how you feel and how you see him, it's time he stopped projecting his insecurities onto you because he's pushing you away.
OP it's up to him to change his attitude, you can't change it for him. Unfortunately some people are just built that way OP and they're never able to see themselves in a positive light, in my experience those people just aren't relationship material because honestly if having a beautiful girlfriend that loves your body doesn't give you confidence and some self belief then nothing will and it really is not worth investing all your time and emotions into someone that can't even love themselves.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Hi!Quite honestly, I'm the same as him. VERY insecure about my body because in general I know women like skinny, lean guys... not some giant King Kong who can throw a tire like a rag doll. He needs compliments and strong passion, something i've never receieved but that is what I'd want anyway. If you say you like my stomach, kiss me down there. He needs positive feedback about his body which youve given, now show him a little more. He is rushing sex because he knows you have needs and wants to fulfill them for you, so you need to tell him that you want to take things slower with him in the bedroom, to enjoy his touch, his body, and all that other good stuff :)... be a little patient here and I think things can turn out all right. Best on this.
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