A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think I screwed up my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating for about five months, and we usually talk everyday and see each other at least two or three times a week (we live far away from each other). The last time I saw him, I sort of accused him of cheating. Well actually, I didn't quite accuse him straight out, but I have at least told him on three separate occasions that I have zero tolerance for cheating. But I guess the fact that I have told him this three times is an equivalent of an accusation...This started when he went away for a weekend to Vegas (about which I posted a question). I didn't ask him what happened during that weekend, but I did get a bit upset with him for not contacting me at all or responding to my calls (and he usually does), so after he came back I did mention zero tolerance the second time. So anyway, two nights ago was the third time I mentioned the zero tolerance (I can't remember how this was brought up to be honest, because I wasn't even thinking about that Vegas weekend or about cheating in general, but somehow he mentioned that trip so that must have triggered it, I'm not sure), but we got around to talking about people cheating, and I happened to ask him if he had ever cheated. And he said he did. I had not known this, but for some reason he thought he had mentioned it to me. I wanted to know more about it, and he became very upset and said he didn't want to talk about it because it was so long ago and that he knew it was a mistake. I asked him to tell me about it a second time, and again he got upset, and then I said that I'd respect the fact he didn't want to talk about it. Then we carried on as we usually do. But later that night I asked if he was upset about it, and he said no. He asked if I was upset, and I said no, but I added that I just wanted to say one more thing (which annoyed him) and I said that I just wanted us to be comfortable enough to say whatever we wanted to say to each other (I was thinking of the fact that I asked him him about his past and the fact that he didn't want to respond. I thought we were both entitled to say what we did...). The next day things seemed fine, and we parted. It's now been two days since I last saw him, and he has not responded though I contacted him twice. Does this mean he's upset and it's over? I would think that he should at least let me know it's over instead of not responding.... Or is it that he's still upset and wants time away from me? I wish I knew. I want to call him again but I don't want to seem clingy and desperate. I'm definitely worried if I've upset him with my accusations (I know that was bad...) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 April 2010):
Okay, here's another thing you should not tolerate: a guy who ignores you. If your boyfriend ignores you and gives you the silent treatment for days because he's "mad," in my opinion, is passive aggressive behavior and borderline abusive. Nothing makes a person feel crappier than being completely ignored by their own boyfriend (obviously I've had experience with that).
To be honest, usually it's not good. It usually means he's too much of a pussy to confront you with anything; therefore, he think you'll just go away. More than likely you'll hear from him again. But DO NOT feel bad. If he was a mature adult, he would speak to you about the situation and not ignore you. Maybe you did talk about it too much, but he can talk to you about it. And I do think you have a right to be at least a little suspicious about him ignoring you while in Vegas. I've been to Vegas on several ocassions while I had a boyfriend without him, and I didn't ignore him. I wasn't THAT busy in Vegas to where I couldn't talk to him.
I think he's just showing you his true colors. And from my experience, the guys that ignore are usually babies and cheaters. Consider yourself lucky that it's only been 5-months and you can decide now if you really want to endure this in the future. Guaranteed if he's acting like this now he will most definitely do this again in the future.
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