A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay I have been with but not with this amazing girl, for the past 6 months or so we have so much in common and just cant let go every time we hold each other its like one of those once in a lifetime feelings and its mutual. The sad part is this is not a perfect world when I met her she has just had her baby boy with her boyfriend slowly we got to know each other and I had the sickness in my stomach of hearing him threaten her life if she ever leave's him beating on her throwing her out of the house but she prays for strength she is afraid she will not win the custody battle or wants someone to tell her it will be 100% sure thing although he has been arrested for abuse on her I cant just come out and say it is a sure thing it is her choice. Either way the abusive boyfriend found out about us 5 days ago we have been dancing meeting up wherever we can talking all the things two people do that love each other. So the conflict with the a-hole bf was obvious something I couldn't pass up he went off saying I can't see her anymore made her delete all forms of email and other stuff we contact each other on.Me and her talked and knew this would happen if she didn't stand up and make the choice she would always tell me she is sorry for draggin me along with her for this crazy ride in her life, Oh well either way when I asked her if this is what she wanted beings how it is one of her first true test to stand up for herself she told me I know how she feels but it has to be this way for now she to me that when she finds a way to get out of this mess she will call me. And the last words she whispered in my ear was that she will love me forever and promise to call me when she settles all this other stuff.The amount of self pain I felt thru this whole thing is something a choice I made for love I moved from Florida, to Virginia got setup with a house job and everything so when she does her thing I will be at her side and she wont have to leave her family behind.So at the moment I feel broken I have seen the marks on her from him I have heard his threats.But in her test to stand up she remains, and leaves me with I love you and promise to call you when I get out of this mess.I tried to tell her to just come down with me but he was using the baby as a carrot waving it around saying you leave I get custody even though for instance I have been raising this baby and paying for my own bills as well as hers and food for them because he beats on her and tells her she is worthless and he wont work.She truly always made me feel like supermannow I'am left a broken man wondering what the future will bring and waiting for that call.Well here is what its at atm comment on this if you like I would love any advice.
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female
reader, rainydaywithsunshine +, writes (7 January 2009):
Sounds like your woman needs to make a stand. in virginia (being a resident myself) the courts usually side with the mother unless there are extreme circumstances. She needs to get a lawyer and (not trying to be mean) a spine. This man of hers will not stop with beating her. when the child gets old enough (maybe even sooner!) he might take out his aggression on the child. it is a bad situation all together but it is all on her. you doing something because you can't take it any more won't help matters any. she needs to trust that she can get away from him and that it will be ok. my advice in a nutshell: get a lawyer, get a court date, get custody, get out of there. If not for her own safety then for her child's.
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