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anonymous
writes: I am single at the moment and I am really enjoying it. Recently quite a lot of my friends have become single too and we are having loads of fun hanging out together. One of my recently single friends and I have become really close and we see an awful lot of each other and go out together a lot. One drunken night it went a bit further, but we agreed to keep it a secret because it would hurt his ex too much, as she is a close friend of mine and was devastated by their break-up about 6 months ago. I am purposely trying to see other people and make new male friends to take my mind of my friend, but we end up talking everyday even if we don't see each other.We had a chat about the whole thing much more recently and I know that he really likes me too; he said an awful lot of very very nice things to me and about me. We agreed however, and I do think that it's the sensible choice, that it would still be really difficult (he lives with my ex as well) for all of our friends who are a very tight knit group.However, I have stayed at his a number of times since and absolutely nothing has happened, but there's a tension there and we both know we are making a special effort to hold back. It's almost a relief to know that he feels the same way but at the same time it makes it more painful for me to hold back. My last three long term relationships were borne out of some tricky situations and I don't know what to do on this one as I am less headstrong than I used to be.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, G, writes (29 January 2005): 2 of my best friends went through this very thing about 3 years ago. my friend H was in love with this guy N, they went out together for about a year and he ended up cheating on her and H was devestated.He was her first real love,and she never really got over him, until a couple of years later until she met the father of her now baby.While this was happening to H, my other friend C,was falling big time for N,the ex.It was a massive secret,but they really fell for each other, and both told each other how they had always secretly liked each other.C was feeling so bad for keeping this from H,she had to tell her,and lets just say the reaction was not of happiness for the new couple.It did literally take the past 3 years for them to rebuild their friendship,and it still now is'nt what it was.H felt decieved by C,she felt she was excepting what he had done to her all those years before,and C could'nt understand why H would care if she was in a happy relationship with a baby.N luckily got out of the whole thing. But N and C are still together and very happy,and the longer they are together, the more H excepts it as she says 'at least he is'nt treating her the way he treated me' but to be honest if it is between a best friend and a man it is never easy,and believe me,you will put all your other friends in the middle,and it will be hard for them to not take sides. The friendship is very different now more like just an aquaintance,and i have to tell C how H and the baby are getting on.There feels like there is too much unsaid stuff to just get on as normal so they find it easier not too. You will have to do the impossible,decide who is more important, a man your accidently fell in love with or a friend whos been there for you for years.Either way it will get better in the end.
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