A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everybody,Let me start by admitting my problem: I usually fall for straight guys. Usually is only physical attraction but on a few occasions it's been more than that. In fact a couple of years ago I fell in love with a guy at work who knew I was gay, but that's a different story and I got passed that.This new story is pretty similar with a big difference. First of all, let me tell you that I got out of the closet three years ago so everyone around me knows I'm gay, as everyone I work with. One day this new guy entered to my work. He's tall, big and rides a big black bike so I fell immediately, even though I thought he was straight. Two days later we had a party in my workplace with burguers and lots of alcohol. Later I was out with two of my girlfriends and him, and we were talking about something when one of them asked him "do you have a girlfriend?", he answered that he didn't, so the next question was "do you like woman?". He said "no".I'm very shy so I didn't do anything during the next couple of weeks, although we got to spend A LOT of time together, and I mean that. Everything was great and with time I've come to think that he may be the guy for me. The problem began on a weekend when we (him, me and some guys from work) did a little travel to a party. We were all drunk and having a blast when all of the sudden he tells me something like "it sucks that I can't tell you that that girl is hot because you're gay, [the name of another gay guy here] too and [third name of a straight friend here] either because he has a girlfriend". It wasn't aggresive, he told it almost like a joke, but it really hurt me.During all this time he has expressed some sort of attraction to woman although I've never seen him with one, not even when we got out to a bar or something. On the other hand this thing between us is making me mad. He has all sorts of weird things, for instance he carresed my neck the other day while I was sitting. Also he's offers me rides and calls me all the friggin time. He fights me, makes me faces, things with his eyes... we spend so much time together that I swear, we're living like a married couple, only without the fun part.In the middle of all this I'm suffering like hell and I don't understand what's his deal. And currently I don't have the guts to talk to him about this. In fact I only what to tell him all this on days like this when we're not together. Then I see him and I just want to take a ride on his bike and pretend we're more than friend.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Thanks for all your words. A couple of days ago, two girlfriends of mine confront him and told him that in the past he expressed that he didn't liked woman. I was in the room but I didn't said anything. He told them that he didn't remember that and that if he said it then it was only a joke. Later on he insisted that he wasn't gay (although we had move on to other topics).
On the other hand, today he made a scene in front of my friends because he came with his mother's car to pick me up and take me to work but I wasn't here (this is because he never told me he was going to pick me up so I took a bus). So in any case things got more confusing, but I'm really trying not to worry and let things flow.
Thanks again!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I don't think he is ready to admit that he might be gay. I want to say that he is gay, but honestly, it sounds like he isn't even sure. I know a lot of people like this.
The way I look at it, if you want him you will have to be patient and let him find his own way. (That sounds incredibly stupid--even to me right now) OR you just have to let him/it go. Do you want to waste time on someone that only has the closet door open just slightly enough to get a peek? Since you are "out," I would just stop wasting your time with his games. He doesn't even know what he wants--do you want to wait until he does? Besides that may take forever; just enough time for you to watch him walk down the aisle with some girl he marries, just so he fits into society... (ouch.)
Its hard being gay. Why make it that much harder on yourself? Find someone else who is just as willing to be out and open as you are. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Maybe he is bisexual? If you really like him then you'll just have to ask him about it, you can't just wait for him to tell you. x
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