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In love with a friend but she's with someone else

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 January 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2009)
A male India age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I know a girl from the last 3 years. We have been very close friends. I like her a lot. Sometime back she also had told me that she wanted to be my girl friend but at that I just wanted to think about the same. She was really close to me, when I say close really close. Sometimes very close physically also. We used to always love to talk to each other. Chat for hours on phone. She just loved talking to me and same case with me.

I like her a lot. I sometimes also feel that I love her. But now she is talking with another guy who I feel loves her a lot and she has started maintaining distance from me. Even though she is still talking its not like before. She still keeps calling me and talking to me but sometimes it could be just be for work. For any problem she has she just calls me and not the other guy. Even today she keeps talking to me even though there is nothing to talk but when I talk something she gets irritated. She sometimes shouts on me also but after a day she talks to me back again.

I am feeling betrayed. I want to be with her always. But I dont know what to do whether to let her go or just keep talking with her. I want to tell everything to her but I dont want her to get angry also. Please help me !!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

When she wanted to be your girlfriend you wanted to think about it.

Now when she has found a guy who will probably accept her as a girlfriend you want her back.

Aren't you the one who is totally confused?

She knows you for a longer time than the other guy.She feels comfortable talking with you.At the same time she is getting closer to the other guy.

You claim that physically you guys have been very close.It will take her some time to get over you.

You need to ask yourself do you really love her or do you just feel that you love her because you have got some competition from the other guy.

Be honest with yourself.If you answer the above question honestly you will definitely be able to arrive a solution.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

You absolutely have to let her know what you are feeling. She probably has been waiting to hear those words from you! Don't worry so much about the outcome, just get your feelings out there to her! It's always a risk to show our feelings, but if you don't take that risk, you could be missing out on something wonderful! Go for it, Man!

Good Luck and Happy New Year!

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A male reader, a_decent_1 India +, writes (1 January 2009):

a_decent_1 agony auntIndian Girls are a Closed book.. !! There is just so much hidden into them.. !!

She'll discuss everything with you and pour her heart out in front of you because she is your "Best Friend". Girls need a "Best Friend". She'll fall in love with anyone but her Best Friend.

It is very hard to explain buddy but all i can say is She might be the closest to you and share everything with you. But that does not mean she loves you. Girls are more comfortable with their best friend in the first few years of their Relationship with their Lover. Very soon you'll see her avoiding you. When she starts feeling fully comfortable with her lover, yu'll be gone.. !!

All you can do is Accept and move on. You were her friend and Friends don't ask anything back..

G'day

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A female reader, AngelofLove United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2009):

AngelofLove agony auntDear Anon, you have been talking a lot but not saying the right things.

Talk to her face to face and tell her how you feel. She may not know that you are in love with her and are ready to take it to the next level.

She may only see you as a friend but unless you get this out in the open, you will never know where you stand.

Also just because she talks to another guy it does not mean that they are close the same way. It is her choice to have male friends, so try not to appear possessive as this may push her away.

A good basis for any healthy solid relationship is good communication so it is not a good start if you are scared to upset her or make her angry. Providing you are respecting her feelings, you should just tell her what is on your mind.

Good luck and take care

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