A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Obviously this isn't a strange situation. I bet it's a common situation, but it feels strange for me. I've only ever been in 3 relationships, all of which got close to exceed the two year mark. I generally avoid flings, one-night stands, and the like. I feel like a loyal boyfriend, but at the moment I feel nothing but guilt and hatred for myself.I've been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years this September coming. The beginning of was great, it was pretty much a movie, then it developed like any relationship, a few struggles, now we're at a point where we just feel 'comfortable' with each other, and over time that has developed into what we both refer to as 'love', and I guess it is love. I care about her deeply and we have so much history behind our relationship.About two months ago a new girl came to work. She was in a relationship at the time, one that exceeding two years as well. We were friends, nothing more. She broke up with her boyfriend because she felt a distance had developed, and so we began talking more. She seemed interested in me as a friend, we talk(ed) a few times a day, through text messages or late-night chats, harmless subjects, playing games on the computer together. Nothing odd, or anything that would make me feel guilty.Overtime I've come to realize how similar we are, and she seems to talk to me, and tell me more deep things. She'll even go as far as staying up late, past 3am, even though she has to get up at 8am, at times. I saw this as normal after a while, but now I don't know. I can't help but feel a little something for her. She's uniquely interesting and we seems to have a lot in common. I don't know whether she sees me as a best friend or if she's crushing on me.I don't really know how to go about this. It all feels like harmless play, then I'll see another guy at work flirting with her and my heart skips a little for some reason. I see my girlfriend twice a week on average, we get along, I feel a connection, but nothing overwhelming anymore. The thought of losing her breaks my heart, but not as much now as it would before.I feel guilty about this harmless 'crush' if it is one, and I'm not sure how to go about things. She would make a great best friend, but there's just a side to her that stands out to me in another way. I would be lying if I said that a distance hasn't come between me and my current girlfriend, but I don't want to let things go with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is why I try not to get too close to guys on campus. I am married, but I live in the apartments across from campus, because me and my husband are poor and cannot afford our own place yet.
I have guy friends on campus, but I never get close to them, because I know that something like your situation could happen.
I learned this the hard way. I was going out with a guy and cheated on him with a guy who had a gf. I felt really guilty and bad about it. Ever since then, I keep my distance from guys if I am with someone. I might have small talk, but I don't give out my number to them, let alone talk to guys from campus online.
Only one guy has my number, and he was my friend before I got married.
You need to keep your distance from females when you are going out with one. She is your best friend! Play computer games with her! Do stuff with her! The rest of the women keep at arms length. Don't have the attitude of, "Oh what harm could such and such do?" I was around your age when I made the mistake that I made. Stuff builds over time. What seems harmless one day might become a big problem seven months from that day.
A
female
reader, Vixey  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 You can't have it both ways, either ask the girl from work if she does have a crush & see where that leads or keep her at arms length & try to spice things up with your girlfriend.
Don't get stuck in a rut as i did, like most couples do, keep things new, fresh, spontaneous.
I've learnt from my mistakes & now live for the present, the moment. The past is a bundle of memories & the future is anybody's guess.
Start living now, make each moment count & never regret a thing.
All actions cause REactions - so just be careful.
Smiles - Vixey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): grow up and stopping messing around - either you want the GF or the new friend. Either way its not fair on the other.
decide what you want. just be honest.
Star.x.
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