A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys! I have been "dating" this guy I met online and we have been talking for just over a year now. He lives in the US and I live in Canada. I'm 28 and he is 23. We talk on webcam all the time and just recently we decided he would come to visit me. We hit if off right away. We are great together but don't feel like I'm in a "real" relationship as we have only spent 1 week together in person. He still calls and is the same person after we met. He is great and I am slowly starting to fall for him. I want to spend more time with him in person however. He talks quite seriously about our relationship which is great but I feel we need to spend more time together in person which is hard to do obviously. We still talk on cam and on the phone. I'm also scared to tell my parents as I know they will not approve cuz of the distance thing and I met him online. How should I handle this?
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 I am glad to hear that you are being so sensible about this and have such a good head on your shoulders. It sounds to me like you have a really good game plan and things will work out for you one way or the other. Going into this open minded, but with open eyes. Good luck, and I do hope it works out for you. Keep in touch and let me know!
~dee
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): I also think over a period of time as we both intend to visit eachother again this will give me a better idea of his character. If I can get work there and move there he will have to make sacrifices as well to help out with costs of moving there, ect. He "says" now he will help but you are right he has to actually do that. So I've come to the conclusion its only a matter of time within probably the next 6-8 months that will tell me more clearly if we will work. I do know one thing everytime I talk with him I melt! (Rascal Flatts) haha! Anyhow, thanks once again girls!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Thankyou DeeJuliet and CD! Those answers are along my line of thinking. One sign that shows me he is not a "typical" player I guess you would say is that he still calls me quite often after we met and we still talk on cam. The fact that we have not spent nearly enough time together is exactly my main concern. However, I am considering moving there not only cuz of him but as well its a place that sounds like the perfect place for me to be as I'm not loving where I'm living now. So I'm thinking even if I move there and we don't work I'd still be in a place I want to be. My gut (if you ladies know what I'm talking about) tells me he is a genuine, caring person and is more "in love" I say that loosely with me than I am with him. I'm being more cautious to not give my whole heart to him just yet...he is amazing and very mature about things. So maybe me moving there is the answer to my concern! Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (21 October 2007):
I think you are right to be so cautious. It isnt a 'real' relationship! At least not yet. It makes me crazy when some people say how they are in love with someone that they have only spent a week or 2 with in person. Talking is not the same thing as actually being with a person and actually experiencing things with them. Seeing someone for a short time while on vacation does not show you who they really are. Anyone can be wonderful for a week!! It is being wonderful over the long haul and through the hard times that matters. You dont know this persons character. Character has nothing to do with what you say or what you believe, and that is all you really know about him right now. Character has to do with what someone DOES. And unless you spend significant amounts of time with someone you cant possibly know what he will really do. YOu know what he SAYS he would do, but not what he would really do. Do you understand what I am saying? Long distance is fine in the short term. There is nothing wrong with a long distance romance. It can be very exciting and lead to something wonderful. But you will have to eventually find a way to be a whole lot closer together if you want to make it a 'real' relationship. So you really need to decide right now if one of you is willing to eventually move to be closer to the other. If neither of you is willing to move, than I would suggest you stop this relationship right now and save yourselves a whole lot of heartbreak. If you can say that if things work out you are willing to move to be with him, than go ahead, keep getting to know him and move toward making it 'real'. After all, you dont really plan on being long distance for the next 20 years do you? You would like to get married and have kids, right? Then one of you will have to move! Eventually. I do hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 What is a real relationship? I agree with you tht a conventional relationship means seeing someone once or twice a week to start with and building up from there but in this new age of technology the idea of conventional relationships and societal norms are bound to change. How can they not? Unfortunately someone has to be the groundbreaker, the person who does it first and makes it acceptable to have a long distance online relationship.
The way I see it is that after spending one week of real time together you can't be 100% sure that the relationship will work. One thing about the internet is that it takes away the intensity of conventional relationship. I would advise trying to spend an extended time together and seeing how things work out then.
As for explaining to your parents, you're 28 and while you might want their approval you don't need it. Maybe tell them you've met someone rather than focusing on your year long internet relationship focus on when you met and then just see how things go. You're under no obligation to tell your parents about your relationship unless you want to so find out if it's going to work first.
CD
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