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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok,Im in a relationship and have been for 4 years, recently we have had a few issues and we have tried desparately to correct them but unfortunately the result will last a few weeks and then he slips back to his old ways. I always thought this would be it, we have children together and I do Love him but I have realised that my life revolves around keeping everyone else happy and when I look deep down it is me that is left unhappy. I have returned to work (which he didnt like) and made a few friends, I get on particuarly well with a guy (which he also didnt like) and it is no secret that there is some attraction between us.Trouble is now I am questioning my relationship and whether it is worth the effort, I would like to think it is and I really dont want to break up our family home but I do want to get to know this other guy better. He knows my situation and that I have kids and he doesnt want anything from me.He is genuine and kind, gentle and generally interesting to talk to. I cant help feeling like I am falling down a big hole, grabbing for the sides to keep my family together yet praying I had the courage to let go and see what happens. I just dont know what to do anymore. I think about this guy all of the time. Dont get me wrong,I'm not naive, I know the grass isnt going to be any greener.I just want some excitement, some change, something to keep me guessing, before the kids thats who I was now I just dont know. Any thoughts welcome.x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shanner09  +, writes (13 December 2008):
I am in a similar situation. I have been with my boyfriend of four years. He wants to marry me and so forth... I have recently found a new job. I have a strange relationship with one of my male co-workers. I like him a lot and I know that he likes me. It's very complicated (as they say) I'm 22 years old. I don't have children; however, my boyfriend is very dedicated and he's not a bad guy at ALL. We have our problems, obviously. Our problems make me doubt our relationship daily.... But he's never done anything to really wrong or anything... We're just.... Different. I feel like our relationship is going nowhere, sometimes and sometimes I can't imagine being without him. If you feel like your problems can be fixed or if your differences can be discussed, you should stay with him and discuss it. However, if you feel like discussion won't work and the guy you are with is genuine and you keep having feelings or some kind of good relationship with the guy you work with, well, I think you should go with it. You have one life... It's too short and you should try to be happy in everything you do. My example: Sometimes when I think about the guy I work with, I at least, get very excited and am glad that I have something NEW in my life. I'm not at all thinking that I have some long term relationship with my co-worker... But, sometimes, he makes me feel like I could be treated really well and get something more from being with him instead of my b/fsoon to be fiance..... Maybe, there's someone out there who is REALLY meant for me.... It's sad, but sometimes, I think it's true and we just have to move on.... Do what your heart tells you to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): You have to resolve your issues with your boyfriend before anything else. Go to a counselor, get some relationship books. For the sake of your children, try to make the best effort you can to fix the problems with your relationship. Give it a deadline, say 6 months or a year, and if you just can't find happiness, it's time to break up.
It does sound like your boyfriend does try, but maybe you're trying to fix too much at once. It takes a month to set a habit. Perhaps you could work on the most important issue for the first month, and when that seems stable, move down the list? What exactly are your issues? Does your boyfriend have issues with you?
But until you resolve your home problems, you have stop talking with the other guy. The more you see the other guy, the more you'll fall for him, and then before you know it you'll be causing everybody a lot of pain. It sounds like he'll understand that you need to pull back. But don't fall in the trap of letting him be your relationship counselor. Just try not to hang out with him other than work requires and try to concentrate on making some girl friends at work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your thoughts. Its much more complicated than that which I can put into words but you have given me things to think about. I dont know if I am happy or not in my relationship, he gives me everything that I need and is financially sound and he tells me he loves me though sometimes I think Im just convienient. This other guy, just lets me be me, accepts that we cant be together but still wants to be around. I will think about what you have said, it is unlikely that I will cheat, I dont think I have it in me, that doesnt stop my heart straying though.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (5 August 2008):
 You are very young, so it's normal to be attracted to another males.Esp when you've been committed to someone for 4 years.
I say resolve your issues with your boyfriend first. Since you guys aren't married, you can work out ways to still raise your child together without the two of you being together.
You have to be true to yourself. I don't think it selfish to want other guys. But just make sure that you don't cheat on the guy you're with now.
I believe you are unhappy with your man now, but don't have the heart to break up with him because you have a child together.
Also..starting a relationship with this new guy is not a great idea either. It's the excitement,attention that you want..not HIM. It's a tough situation that only you can decide. good luck
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A
female
reader, soulcal  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 hi
ask the man you like if he feels the same way about you before you do anything if he does have feelings for you and your sure say to your other guy that i dont have feelings for you and like this other guy and hopefully he will go away the new one will come along and you keep your kids but they go see there dad every so often
i hope this helps im not that good on these sort of things
cheers x
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