A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship with an amazing guy. We have know each other for 3 years and are planning to soon meet and start a future/family together. He is the kind of person that I call my best friend and soulmates. He is my person and I am his person.We are connecting on so many levels and for the first time ever in my life I feel respected and appreciated beyond words. He respects me and my own space as much as I respect him and his own space. With " own space " I refer to that time where we can be with our friends and spend some time apart yet by the end of the day, literally we will still talk and reassure each other and our love for each other. There is a problem from my side: my past. I was in an abusive relationship where I got cheated on badly and my self esteem was completely gone. It took 2 years for me to gain myself back and 3 years post that relationship I met my current man. He know all about my past as I know his. We have a bit of a different past but my point is, he has never, not once given me any reason to doubt..But I am still very scared and always on the edge mentally... And due to his gentleness and kind heart ( as well as good looks) girls are drawn to him. There is this one particular girl that I know cares for him and she has gone to the extreme where she has shared pictures of him on FB ( articles he has written) and posted them with heart emojies. He has assured me that I should not worry and he has said that she is the kind of girl that seeks attention and has a bit of an unstable life and he is only in her life as a friend ( his work and so forth basically makes it easier for her to turn to him for help). My man will soon get his own place and this is what scares me... I don't know how to handle with the fact that I know she will be over with their group of friends. I have never limited him in any regards. And I know they have been out for a coffee talking about work and so forth, but he knows I am not keen on the idea of them two being alone or she being at his place. Even if there is a chance that she will be there even with other people around, it still hurt me. I know that I should let it be and just trust him, but my problem is that once I trust him and let go of that fear, that he will think it's ok if she comes over alone. I don't know what to do about the thought of me being hurt and betrayed kills me inside. I am afraid of being hurt and I know that it would break him if he hurt me which is why I also fear that if he does anything wrong that he will hide it. What should I do?
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best friend, long distance, self esteem, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2017):
 How often do you and him spend time together face to face?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2017): Can you move to be with him ASAP? If it's been 3 years already- what's stopping you from making this 'real'?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you tennisstar and you are right..... the sooner I let go of my fear the better for both me and him and us. I just hate to feel those bumps along the road, those small feelings of " what ifs". I opened up to him this morning again about my fears and his response was this: I have not been so good at assuring you and it hurts me to know that you have been hurt this much...
He takes responsibility for making up for something he never caused and it's my responsibility to not make him feel that it's his job...
My man is a keeper and I am blessed beyond words, but I don't want to take anything for granted. I will let it go.... the pain and the fear.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 June 2017):
 You're old enough to have met within the first year, not 3 years. You also can't move in or start a family after the first few meet ups.This is a fantasy.I'm in an LDR and have been for 2½ years. We met within a few months and we were only 19/20, so you should have been able to much sooner than this.You cannot meet in person a few times and plan a future. You have to spend proper time together before doing that. I think you have a romanticised view of how this will go.I think you need to let go and find someone new who isn't long distance.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 June 2017):
 When does the Long Distance part of LDR expire? In this case, the sooner the better to ease your mind. NOW, if it's not for some X years, then I'm sorry to say but you're going to have to trust your boyfriend. Relationships will not survive without trust, especially a LDR.
He tells you if they have gone for coffee or group outings? Then I would say this man is honest, let go of your fears of being cheated on. I understand that is difficult to do with your past. But to be fair he's not anything like your previous boyfriend. Also please do it to ease your mind, otherwise you will drive yourself nuts.
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