A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm an ex-chubby girl who's a major nerd and kinda antisocial. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. At the beginning I thought he adored me and i felt really confident and comfortable with myself. I'd also just lost weight, which helped. A few months later i found out that he'd been chatting up other girls at the time (we were exclusive) and going on how hot they were. He also told his friends he thought I was cool but didn't look that great. It was a bit of a blow to me and I felt really stupid about how self-assured I'd been. He also negatively compared me to his ex,who I suspect he was still hung up on.Now it's over a year later and we've been living together for a couple of months. He has made a point to stop doing anything that could mistaken as flirting with other girls and has been treating me very well. My problem now is that I'm afraid he's still looking at other girls and thinking how awesome they are because I know he used to do that even after he said he loved me. I'm worried that I won't be enough for him and I panic every time I put on a little weight (which so far I've always gotten rid of) or get a pimple or have a bad hair day. I know I sound silly but I also know that he foes
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): He sounds exactly like someone I used to be with. I spent 3 years trying to "impress" him and nothing worked. I felt just like you did, doubting myself and thinking I'd never be enough because no matter how great my personality was, I just wasn't "hot" like other girls. It turns what I thought about not being hot enough wasn't true. There are guys who will be attracted to you, even on your worst days. And there are guys who won't be attracted to you, even on your best days. That's just life. Maybe you're not his type in the looks department, but you'll be just what someone else has been looking for. Believe it or not, there are even guys out there who don't drool over stereotypically beautiful women. They truly don't see what the big deal is, because it's just not what they're attracted to. Perhaps they prefer a more unique look.My advise, don't be with someone who makes you feel this way. It's just not worth it. I didn't like the feeling I had all the time that I had to "work" to keep my ex's attention. Sure, a person should take care of his/her appearance to an extent (shower, comb hair, brush teeth, and try to maintain the weight that's healthy for them). But when I was with him, I felt like I had to look "perfect" otherwise he would lose interest...because he would. On days where I didn't look my best, he treated me quite differently. On those days, the way he acted really hurt and made me think less of him. Yet I was convinced all guy would act like this, so I stayed. What a long and tiring 3 years those were. Again, not worth it. He finally ended it. It was the best thing he could have done for me. And surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much to "lose him" as I thought it would. I think it's because I realized I couldn't lose someone I never really had.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Well I'm going to tell you something I was told looks ain't everything! Honestly I kept myself slim, had my hair make up clothes looking perfect ect, you know what I found out guys seen me as superficial and high maintence and also bland! I had no hobbies or interests other than flirting! And it was a male friend who said it all blunt to me, told me there is girls u fuck and girls u marry, guess what one he said I was! But you have a relationship with this guy, he loves you all of you! And isn't hung up on your looks I wish I could find a guy like that! Other than walking around with a blind fold he is going to look, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you! Please don't get hung up on your looks because clearly that isn't what he is caring about, he obv sees u as an amazing girl to be around and yeh I wish I could find a guy to see that in me! Your a lucky with a lot of good qualitys build your self esteem up and stop putting yourself down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): He sounds like a two-faced wotsit. The type who, if you looked like a supermodel, he would probably still flirt and cheat.
As the previous poster so aptly put it, the only weight you need to lose is him. Be proud of yourself and love yourself however you look! It's taken me many years to achieve that! You're young, go discover the world and meet the zillions of other guys out there!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 April 2014):
 The only weight I'd have lost is however much HE weighs. There's no way I would forgive the way he treated you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2014):
 Well, this advice might sound easy, but it will be hard work for you (still it's doable).
YOU need to find ways to be happy about yourself and your looks. If you BF strays or look at other girls IT DOESN'T mean you are not good enough, pretty enough, this or that enough. It means he isn't a good BF.
YOUR BF shouldn't be your source of confidence. YOU should be. Because YOU are what makes YOU, uniquely YOU. Not him.
YOU can not expect him to walk around eggshells either. Because there are girls out there prettier then you, taller then you, fitter, smarter... whatever, but he IS with you. Because YOU... are YOU. Get that? It's not a competition.
Besides if you think he is so fickle that he might not love you over a pimple, you are with the wrong guy.
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