A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship which has survived, well kind of survived my boyfriend sleeping with another women, but now he is about to go work aboard for 3 months over summer, I don't know if I trust him enough to keep our relationship going. We met when he came to my home city for university. I worked in a cafe near his uni house and we started seeing each other a few weeks after meeting. When he told me that he had slept with an ex girlfriend back home when he was on study week last year, we broke up straight away. He told me when he came back, and because he was willing to wait for me to calm down, and we decided to have a relationship again. We have been much better since and my jealousy hasn't really shown itself until he applied for this job as a club rep with a few of his housemates. He told me that if I didn't want him to go that he wouldn't but I see him all year and a few months apart doesn't bother me but it's a long time without sex and he has cheated on me before so I worry he would again. I've spoken to him about it but he just keeps saying he is sorry and he won't go, but I'm not bothered about him going out there. I'm in two minds about everything and I don't think I have really got over the cheating in the first place. He is three years younger than me, but I do see a future with him. Hoe can I deal with all these feelings
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 May 2015):
 " it's a long time without sex "
That's your big problem right there... if you are apart from the one you love you don't think of sex with others.
Committed people go months and months without having sex with their partner and do not think of cheating as an option.
You haven't gotten over his cheating and you should not.
fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me
if you don't trust him you don't trust him.
he can attempt to earn your trust back but there is not much he can do other than let time and his good behavior prove to you he is trustworthy again.
A
female
reader, DaniellaTheLifeCoach +, writes (26 May 2015):
Hi! You wouldn't be in two minds if you really had forgiven him for cheating. Few people who have been cheated on will actively deal with how they feel about that level of betrayal. It sounds like you brushed your feelings under the carpet and just continued your fractured relationship.Sex is a natural part of a relationship but is rarely the main priority so 3 months without it is hardly impossible. If he needs to look outside of your relationship for sex, what does that tell you about his commitment to your relationship and level of respect for you?Dealing with feelings is a step by step 'job'. At some point, you'll need to have open and honest conversations with your boyfriend about how you feel. Maybe see a life coach, counsellor or someone else who can help you through this situation.Hopefully what I've shared will help you reach a decision on how to move forward. Take care and best of luck.
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