A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my gf broke up with me 3 months ago i dated this girl for three years.....two and a half were great. the last months we fought a lot but i was still suprised when we broke up...i just thought it was something we could get past...we took some time and i realized a lot of my faults and apoligized and she says she feels things will work out in due time but she isnt ready to just jump back in....so i try to give her her space...but she calls 4 or 5 times a day..wants to hang out once a week or so....we still spent the holidays together and bought gifts...and still occasionally have sex...and wants me to kess her everytime we say bye...and still says i love you...all of these things were her ideas....but its getting to the point with me to where i feel like i may just be her safety net til she runs into something else better....even though she has not talked to any other guys nor have i heard any rumors....and when i mention these things to her she acts like i am crazy and says...."thats not how this is going to turn out, i cant predict the future but i feel that we can work through this"...and tells me that her need of not wanting to be in a relationship no longer has to do with me since we have talked and hung out.....but i still find myself feeling very uneasy...but part of our problem was i am very negative so i try not to talk with her too terribly much about how i feel...i hear different things that i should just chill and she will come around cause she will see i am patient and understanding and i also hear to go no contact and that will help otherwise she will just leave me in the dust one day ....i really cant make up my mind....she means a lot to me...but i dont want to be a book upon a shelf...but she comes to me so...i am really confused...HELP!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): Girls are decisive creatures. If she doesn't want to be with you, she doesn't. If she does, she would be. Girls who do keep their exes around are too scared to move on or just like to have someone around so that they'll never be alone. When I split with my ex, I told him that I "might" want to work things out with him, when in the back of my mind I knew it would never work. I just didn't care about him anymore. I did, however, want to have him around (we lived together at the time). I was afraid to be alone, and so I kept him near me until I found the courage to ask him to leave completely. Since then, I haven't talked to him about our past whatsoever. There's no way I would go back to him. We're not - and never were - meant to be...
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 January 2010):
To be honest I think half the problem is that you are letting her have complete control here and that is very dangerous.
You need to talk to her and tell her that although you know she never wants to hurt you, you think she's being very unfair keeping you dangling like this.
I always reccomend a period of no contact.
If she wants a period of being apart then she can't use you for sex and cuddles.
Tell her that you are fine with taking a break and even taking a break and promising to stay faithful, but it's either no contact, or getting back together.
This whole getting messed about thing is going to end up driving you insane and you'll end up resenting her for it when you do get back together.
Talk to her calmly and explain how you feel. Put it in a letter if you think that's easier. But tell her how much she is hurting you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Just enjoy your times together and decide to be happy with your life whether she's in it or not.
Date and have sex with other girls, and if she finds out, she'll probably decide to make things exclusive again.
The first sentence I wrote is more important. It leads to being better with any girl. And you're young, it's good to have options.
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