A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've become concerned about my fiance Simon; he's been spending a lot of time with my ex-boyfriend John, and now rumours in the neighbourhood are that they're in a sexual relationship together.I broke up with John in 2013 and got with Steve in March 2014; broke up with John as he was arguing with me over money and took up smoking too.We live in a small-ish town, so seeing my ex is probably a given, as it's one where everyone knows almost everyone else.I asked my fiance one night if the rumours were true, and he said yes, him being friends with my ex-boyfriend John is true, but the rumours of him having sex are ridiculous.John, however, has posted on social media claims that my fiance and him are a couple and insists "We'll be getting married soon... hopefully in the next 18 months".John even posted a photo of my fiance and him in their underwear in bed together (drunk photo)... but it's an old one from holiday in 2014 when they were in Ibiza with a group of friends for a stag week and he deliberately made it look out-of-context and as if it was recent with a comment "Sexytime #couplegoals".Isn't that just plain old mis/disinformation and libel?Me and my fiance are not in any kind of open marriage, and my fiance is not gay or bisexual.Here's the thing with John; he's from a prominent family in our village (OK, so not extremely rich, but by our village's standards, richest people) and his family are well-known.I love my fiance Steve and am looking forward to our marriage in September 2022.What I'm concerned about is my ex's mental stability; I can't really avoid him but don't want to leave where I live for the sake of an ex.What should we do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2021): The very fact you wrote a post about your fiance is an indication you're suspicious. It will always be in the back of your mind. Why are there rumors circulating that these two men are having a sexual-relationship? How would anyone know that? Care to explain the source(s) of such rumors? Other men, women, the gay community? Who?
I don't think you trust your fiance any more than you trust your ex. Even though you say he's not gay or bisexual; your post doesn't really seem certain that he isn't one or the other. Just because he has sex with you isn't necessarily the definitive factor! Guys don't go around taking pics together in bed in their underwear as a rule. For the very fact that it could be misconstrued! If the whole group posed together in their boxers or underpants, it's a frat boy prank. Pairing-off, that's altogether different. It becomes he-said/he-said.
I'll only say this. Don't marry the guy unless you don't even suspect him not even a tiny bit; and you know deep in your heart beyond the shadow of a doubt!
You have to trust him completely.
If I were your fiance, I would make sure that picture is removed; and if he is concerned about his reputation, he should see a lawyer. No matter what the true story is behind the underwear picture; the rumors have gotten to you.
You can't marry somebody when you don't trust them; and you're unsure of their true sexual-orientation.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (18 March 2021):
 I think this has all got a bit close to home and needs to be sorted out sooner rather than later.
Did John ever show any signs of being gay in the time you was with him?.
So Simon and John and obviously been seen innocently out together. How has the neighbourhood come to the conclusion that they are in a sexual relationship together. This is a gargantuan rumour to be spreading and i can't see the benefit of starting something like this unless there was an element of truth attached to it.
John has obviously developed an infatuation with Simon, and seems to think they are an item and getting married soon.
Either John has taken leave of his senses and needs professional help, or Simon has led him on so he believes this is the case, and not giving you the full story.
I think if you want any kind of future with Simon then he needs to abolish his relationship with John.
You say you don't want to leave where you live, and why should you. But this can't go on as it is.
He needs to terminate his friendship with your ex in order for you both to move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 March 2021):
 You say your ex isn't gay or bi, but... you also worry about these rumors that he is having a relationship with your ex.
Either he IS NOT gay/bi and NOT having a thing with your ex or... HE is.
You say there a rumors "in the neighborhood" - so who exactly has told you about this? Is it someone trustworthy?
Or is it your ex getting even with you through your ex?
Him posting 7-year-old photos trying to create a "relationship" with your fiance is just weird. Did you show that to your finance? Maybe HE needs to have a word with this "friend"?
Or was your ex trying to be funny by posting that picture? Thinking others would find it funny too?
What it comes down to is this, DO you trust your fiance or not?
If you do, stop listening to rumors.
If you don't... break up.
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