A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, i met this woman online about a year ago, we have never met although we were suppose to in november, i have totaly fallen for her, i think that she has a partner or is married due to certain events that have happened, but she has always said she is single, thing is that if i do anything that slightly upsets her she doesn't talk to me properly for days, and it hurts me when she does this, she is definately the kind of woman I would go for, when i try to talk to her about anything to do with upsetting her she, ignores me, i always find that i am walking on eggshells around her, how do i address this situation, any help would be great because this is killing me on the inside. thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): Unfortunately it sounds as if your affection for her is being used as a tool for her. I have had this happen as well many times through the years. It will be difficult but you should take the reins and reverse her behaviour. I had an online relationship with a lady for several years and there were "issues" that arose similar to yours. She would threaten to leave me and this would hurt so I would give in to her unspoken demands. One day I got fed up and she used her tactic once again. Once again she said "maybe you would be happier with someone else, I'll just leave you alone". Normally I would slink back into my shell like a scared turtle and drop it but this time I simply said, okay, you're right, and I left. For days she begged me to come back and never tried that trick on me again. We're still close to this day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): whatever.
i just find it a little sad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): that last post is silly; you cant control who you fall in love with, its not like selecting particular product brands in a shop. i fell in love over the net too with a great man and we met 3 weeks ago and had a wonderful time together. these love stories can have a happy ending
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): i like writing so i sometimes go to websites for people looking for pen pals.but i personally would never fall for someone i've never met. you don't know what they are really like.but i guess there are people that are actually looking for boyfriends/girlfriends online. so she could be one of those people?Anyways. so you guys were supposed to meet in november but it didn't happen? why is that?if possible i think you should meet her in real life so that you can get to know what she's like in person.but you should keep in mind that she might not be like what you think.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (30 June 2007):
 I agree with Irish. This is a fantasy relationship with a fantasy woman. You havent fallen for her, you have fallen for a fantasy who may or may not even really exist. Her online persona may not even be what she is really like in 'real' life. A persons character is not defined by what they say or believe, but by how they BEHAVE. And so far her true character seems to be lacking severely as she is lying to you and cheating on her 'real' partner. Also the fact that she refuses to speak to you and you have to walk on eggshells is a HUGE red flag. Time to end the charade.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Sorry that should have read:
"Why are't you questioning her character"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Let me see. You have 'fallen' for an online woman who has told you she is single, but due to 'certain events' you feel she is partnered. In other words, there is a strong possibility she is not only lying to you but she may possibly be cheating on a partner. Why are you questioning her character, hun? What does it tell you when a person is okay with possibly lying to you and cheating? I would suggest you find out the concrete truth in regards to that, before even continue with this online relationship. If you don't bother trying to seek the truth, I would have to say..you need to stop being weakened, controlled and manipulated by her. She's keeping you off balance by ignoring you and treating you like crap. So I have to ask. Why are you allowing some woman, you have never met in the 'real' world...knock the self-respect and dignity out of you?? This is the problem about online fantasy relationships. We allow them to fill an emotional 'gap' in our lives, when we should be filling that gap up ourselves with real life stuff such loving family, friends, activities, and gf's, whom we get to know, face to face. Stop talking to this woman and get out from behind that computer..get out and meet 'real' single, available women. Find one who will treat you with decency and respect. She's out there, you just have to get out there and look .Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (30 June 2007):
 People can say what they like online and you will never know whether it's the truth or not, i would be worried about the fact you are not meeting her till november, why so long away?
Maybe she is married or with someone and they are away on business sometimes and thats why you don't hear from her sometimes as they might be home and she can't do it.
I personally would move on from this.
Take care.xx.
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