A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so i've been dating this guy for 11 months. I know I love him and he loves me. But i'm unsure if i'm in love with him. Because i think theres a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I always want to spend time with him and I could see myself with him in the future. Hes always there for me and he makes me feel special, loved, and i couldn't ask for anyone better. I'm unsure if i'm in love because someone once gave me advice and said "You just know when your in love. If you have to ask then your not in love at all." But I don't know if this is true. Also, im the type of person that likes to be realistic, and since i'm young and this is my first love, i feel like i might want to see other people in the future and this relationship might not last forever. But that doesn't mean that i definetly want to break up with him. If we last a while and we still feel for each other than i would consider marrying him. But anywho, my question is do you think i'm in love? I would really appreciate any answers to this question :) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 January 2011):
 You love him and you know he loves you.
Your guy sounds like keeper.
Love to me is not just the passion, it is also how caring and considerate he is. Are his actions thoughtful? Can you talk to him about anything? And he vice a versa? Is he a good listener? Do you feel safe with him? Does he make you happy? Is he reliable? Can you see him as your partner when you are old and retired? Is he easy to live with? Do you feel comfortable and at peace with him. You already love him.
If you can answer yes to most of the above then you may well already be in love with him.
There are countless successful happy long term marriages in this world today where the two parties are the first and only love of each other's lives.
And are there are perenially unhappy and dis-satisfied other couples who are now on their fourth or fifth marriage or live in relationship and are still look around for the next partner.
There are no guarantees.
But you have a much better chance if you work on the relationship every day, and demonstrate commitment, respect and non-judgemental attitudes to your partner. And vice versa.
There are millions of unique lovely interesting likeable loveable people in the world. But in one lifetime we can't connect with them all (though some guys make a concerted effort to do so). Nor in one lifetime do we have time to meet all of these people. Nor is their time to sustain a relationship with them all. But many of them could suit you. Just as you love your guy.
Some people waste their time running around like a chicken running around without a head. Always seeking greener
grass across on the next hill.
Such behavior is not the sign of a person who is at peace with themselves.
It is more mature to give thanks for the good in your life.
Because good relationships grow and deepen over time.
If we put the commitment in it to allow it to grow.
Whereas if we constantly look over our shoulder for a better offer, like some new intern who thinks if she changes jobs frequently she will reach CEO by 25.
Give thanks for the good in your relationship with your good man. He is a far better bet than one of those destructive relationships where a person is in love with a partner, yet despite the passion, the same partner causes them terrible stress with some bad traits such as abuse or un-faithfullness.
These are big issues and big questions. I do hope all goes well for you. Sometimes too much analysis can ruin it all. Enjoy your guy to the max, and i hope you can continue to see more good in him, because from what you have said he sounds like a guy many girls would love to settle down with. But lucky you - he loves you and has chosen you as his preferred gal.
Good luck with it all
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