A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, i need some help here.Im trying to understand my ex's thoughts. We just recently started talking again after being broken up for about 6-7 months. He got a girlfriend right away and him and i haven't talked since. But we just recently started and he starts telling me a lot of his feelings like im his first love and he will always compare everyone to me and us. And he says things like he wants to start over he wants to prove to me he can be mature, and that he felt he wasnt in the past or in our past relationship.He's even texted me while being with his girlfriend and called me right after dropping her off at her house.But i have a boyfriend also that ive had for about 4 months and he keeps asking me about him if he does the same things he did if i do the same things with him and if he knows me like he does. And im just so confused.We saw each other recently only for like 10 minutes max and after that he texted me and said we shouldnt talk until were both out of relationships because we dont know how to act any other way towards eachother and he doesnt want to be shady.It seems to me like he has it backwards because if im his true love and he loves me so much and wants to start over, then shouldnt he be breaking it off with his girlfriend instead of telling me that he cant talk to me? It seems like it would be the other way around, or is it because i have a boyfriend?Anyway everything about the way he acts states that he is in a rebound relationship with her, and its like sometimes i try to tell him that he got himself into it now he has to worry about her instead of trying to fix things with me which is what he wants to do, but he refuses to believe that he is in a rebound...So i guess the main question is why wont he breakup with his girlfriend if he is doing all this and having these feelings for me while going out with her. He didnt even tell her that we were talking again, and it makes me feel like hes not even serious because why is he saying that me and him cant talk instead of breaking it off with her if he doesnt want to be shady?Thanks a lot!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): This guy sounds like he changes his mind, like the wind. I don't think he could 'lie' straight in bed. He is keeping you on the back burner. You want a guy where you are the main dish the only dish on the menu. Walk away and leave him to his games.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 You are like back to square 1 and it is a bummer. He is unstable and fickle minded .He is like a man walking in a fog.
There are too many misunderstandings between you two and I think , you should take a break from this problem.
Go out with your friends and enjoy life and leave this problem aside for now.
In time, his fog may clear and he may see more clearly .Hopefully , you may find closure to this relationship and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i made a comment to him about him. And it was like he did a total 360 he said he knows he wants to be with her and that he was being mature for the first time. Then he say there may be doubts but its about taking the time to think about it about make a choice. (like saying hes done that) its been 4 days since i last talked to him. He obivously isnt think through things much at all if he can say things about making things rite with me one minute and then do that the next.
Thats right-Its like the whole time he was trying to reconcile with me and then he goes and does that? It makes me just hate him now
Then he said-he told me it was the wrong time hes very happy with his life and where its going and he thinks we should go about our lives like we have been and that he hopes i can be happy for him and that i can be happy if im not already. So this is total opposite of what he was just saying he made it sound like he wasnt happy. Really i dont think he knows what he is. But because he didnt get the response he wanted from me he all of a sudden "knows" he wants to be with her and saying those things to me where just because of "doubts"
Im just done with his games. It seems like its a cycle he keeps staying with her things dont compare then he comes back and says he wants to work things out with me then he goes back to saying he "knows" he wants to be with her.
Im just mad because thats so immature. The most mature thing for him to do would be to break up with her because he knows hes said these things to me and he knows we have un finished business and to not be with anyone for a while and really improve himself, but he takes no time to do that while having this gf.
And your right its a lot harder now after everything he said about how he compares everyone to me and us and that he just needs a chance. we finally reconciled after a long time of not talking and then he mosts a picture of the two of them on facebook. Its like starting all over again
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (14 May 2010):
You are both a confused lot. The only way to solve it is to talk to him and thrashed out all those confusions.
Don't beat about the bush but lay your cards down so that you will know what's inside your respective heart.
As to his picture on FB,you can either ignore it or give some positive comments. If you cannot think of any positive comments, don't say anything.
It is possible that he wants to make you jealous.This is like burning the bridge.This is a stupid mistake if he wants to reconcile with you .
Now that he has done that, it becomes harder for you to come back together.You will have to ignore him and do not have any contact .
Different people will give different opinions or advise. It is up to you to analyze them and then choose those that are applicable and rational in your case.
Disregard those opinions that are judgmental. It is only their own personal opinions .
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Laura-
Im confused because everyone on her has different answers!
And he just posted a picture of him and his girlfriend on his facebook just recently...is he trying to make me jealous? I dont know what to do show no reaction or show a reaction to it? Because after everything he said to me then he just says we should stop talking then he posts that? So im confused what do i do?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (10 May 2010):
He is confused and cannot read your mind. He is unsure of your stand and that's why he text you that you should not talk when you are both still in a relationship.
He may have confessed his feelings for you but he is aware of the pragmatism of the situation.
Will you let go your b/f if he let go his g/f? Maybe, you need to talk to him and asked him that question.
Do you want him back? Then you should give clearer signals to him.
He is not breaking off with her for now because he could end up with nothing if you don't respond to him. Right now, he is not sure of your stand. He needs more confirmations before he can jump ship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 He would admit he's in a rebound relationship only if you too are in a rebound relationship so there's hope between you two. If you are your new boyfriend are going well, your ex would try to forget you and make his new relationship work. The important thing is to be honest with your feelings whether your ex still wants you or not. It's normal to have feelings for exes. They don't go away overnight. If you are happy with your new boyfriend, help your ex get over you by not contacting him anymore. Trying to understand him by asking questions would just confuse him even more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): The only advice i can give you is to ask him directly what he wants to do. You cdnt be in the dark. It looks like you stil want him back and he is confuse. He love you but he also scared to trust you again. Good luck'
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