A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in our early/mid 30's and have been together several months. I could easily fall in love and being around him just makes me happy, but he is less into me. We both see dating as being about searching for a marriage partner, and he is willing to work on it for a few more months.Based on our conversations, I think that the only thing I can do to give our relationship a decent chance of working is to do something different than I'm used to: being generally more old-fashioned about our relationship, let him take initiative and plan dates, and stop letting him sleep over until there's a strong and passionate relationship. Last night was the first trial of this: he planned the outing, we went to a Hitchcock movie (which genuinely scared me), and I jumped into his arms, which he seemed to welcome, he walked me home, and we hugged good-night. I have no idea if this attempt to ignite his interest is working for him, but now I feel even more attached to him. How do I get through this experiment without going crazy? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the input. So funny to have these opposite responses, one saying it's marvelous and other saying it's a bad sign. I see where the second response is coming from, that "it's not supposed to be this way." I see it this way:1. I've had half a dozen relationships that fizzled out. The common denominator in all those relationships was me, and if I can be a better relationship partner, I'm happy to try. And as I said, I find it a total turn-on to try this. 2. I agree that if we have to keep trying for a long time, it's not meant to be. Still, there are more ways in which it is a good relationship than I could possibly list, but in short we both agree that we have both become better people.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I think it's a marvelous idea what you are doing and it won't allow the opportunity for the guy to take you for granted, waste your time, or use you as a convenience. Spend time doing things you enjoy(or find them!) and make new friends so you aren't tempted to cling on to him and make him your life...he'll lose attraction for you if he senses that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): If you're having to work that hard to get him interested in you, and aren't completely being yourself, then I think it's safe to say you should break up with him and try again with someone else. It's not supposed to be like this.
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