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*etrokidd1985
writes: Dear Cupid,I am a 20yr. old gay guy and I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. I've absolutely fallen for this guy. The only thing is, he's 2 years younger than me and has not had much experience as I have. He mentioned wanting to have an open relationship and I told him that I'd be cool with that but, I'm really torn. A part of me says "yea ok" only because I don't want to hold him back from having fun and experiencing life but, at the same time the other part of me doesn't know how to deal with it. I just want some advice on how to approach this situation without it turning ugly. Reply to this Question
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reader, Ask Chris +, writes (5 June 2006):
 Hi my advice, tell him how you feel. 2 years is not that great a deal your 20 that would make him 18. tell him you understand how he may wish to get out and experiment with others but at the end of the day you want him and feelings so strong for him over this prooves that. Dont hold a grudge and dont be jealious over his meeting other people i dont think its meant to be offensive it perhaps illistares that he is not ready to settle down with one person yet . does'nt mean he does'nt fancy you or love you any less.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): To all those who answered my question. I want to thank you, it definately helped me to decide what to do. I decided not to be serious about the relationship and just have fun with it. So I guess you can say I demoted our status from "Boyfriends" to just friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): I was in the same situation with a guy. I tried to act casual, as if I didn't care and we would both just date casually, but I really just wanted him. He ended up with someone else he'd been seeing and I was really crushed, although I never let it show. In hindsight, I think it would have been better if I hadn't settled for this casual relationship that I knew I didn't want.It's difficult because you like this person so much, but do you really want it all in his hands? As it stands, the direction of the relationship is entirely up to him. You are kind of stuck waiting to see when he'll be ready for commitment and if he'll end up choosing you. And he knows you'll be there waiting if he wants you. I think you need to think about what is really acceptable to you. Is this really good enough for you, just waiting, hoping, hurting? Of course you don't want to lose him, but I think it would be good for him to know where you stand (instead of pretending you are o.k. with something you're not). If the situation is not good enough for you, tell him. It may make him realize what you mean to him, or it may end up that you'll take a break from him, who know? But at least you are honest with what you know you want, not secretly agonizing. Hope things work out!
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reader, BIGmanwithaBIGheart  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 i think if thats how he wants it then you can do so much better, i like to think that some one should be with and have that fun with whoever they may be with, tell him how you feel and then you will know what to do. Hope all gos well
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reader, mystify +, writes (22 February 2006):
 if you feel uncomfortable about this now , my experience would suggest you will probably feel much worse when you commit to each other and he stops the "open " relationship as you get closer the harder it will be to accept that he has been with others while he was with you and could lead to all sorts of insecurities and resentment, the fact he is being honest is a bonus though because it allows you to assess the relationship and develop the level of emotional commitment you feel comfortable with for the situation.
i have had relationships a bit like this and decided it would be best for me to not get too emotionally involved , it worked we had fun knowing it wasnt gonna last because we wanted differant things and split when we felt it was time with greater ease.
i hope things go well for you
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reader, smeedle +, writes (22 February 2006):
 Maybe you need to let him go have his fun and if you are not attatched with someone else then try again with him when he feels he is ready to settle.
You know an open relationship is not right for you, you feel uncomfortable and frankly it will just cause you heartache.
You may be able to say to him that you are fine with it and to an extent tell yourself the same but in your heart and soul you really will be aching.
Open relationships are not a good idea for anyone, they cause suspicion, resentment and mis understanding, heartache and are doomed, also there is the health risks of multiple partners, you just want him and you are keeping yourself safe, would his other partners be as carefull, I doubt it.
Talk this all through with him and tell him that you love him but if he wants to sleep around then that is not for you so you need to break up for awhile, yes your heart will break but better this way when you are still in the first flushes of a relationship than down the line when you resent him for his other partners and believe me you would resent him, you would ask him about them and your would not be able to help yourself comparing them to you and you may start to feel inadequate when you are definatly not.
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