A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just left my abusive boyfriend six months ago I live with family now. But my ex keeps calling me and asking why I left. I told him this six months ago that I'm tired of him beating and controling me. To this day he still will not take responsibility for what he did to me. Sometimes he comes over to my house when he knows i'm alone I never open the door i'm not that dumb. The new guy i'm dating offered to beat him up, I told him no and I think it upset him. I just don't want anymore violence in my life. If I get a restraining order I think this will only make my ex more pissed off. i want to be left alone so I can start my new life in peace.Someone please give me advice should I get a restaing order if I think it will only make him crazy mad?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): the only thing that you can do is go to the police- this will probably get the message across. it sounds really scary- you dont want any more trouble- but its the only way to get on with ur life.sorry if i sound like a stuck record, but he violated your rights and you really do deserve to have a good life- minus him. the police will be able to help you and the likelyhood is that your ex abused others so it shouldnt be too hard getting him out the picture. he'll get a bad maark against his record- and if its happened before, he might even have to do time insidewhatever you decide, make sure its best for you- and you never know, you may be helping to get justice for other girls that have benn abused by him too.good luck!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): You need to get the law onto your side right now. Go to the police and report him for harrassement! Then have a word with a solicitor and get him barred from coming within 2 miles of you, it can be done because i had to do it.
take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): First of all, you have the freedom and right to live your life in peace and happiness. This ex bf is not going to allow you to do that. He is harrassing you and the only way to possibly stop him, is to get the law involved. Sometimes, that is all it takes. Because he knows, you mean business. There is a slim possibility he might meet another unsuspecting female and turn his degrading behavior on her and leave you alone, gradually. But if it's been six months, it's likely any females he can potentially date aren't giving him the time of day, because they recognize in him what you failed to do in the first place. He's lonely, he's an abuser and a controller, so therefore, no matter what...he feels entitled to having a go at your life. He just doesn't know when to call it a day.
Abusers like this cad, can sense a woman who have low self-esteem to start with, thus, your ex bf found an easy victim in you. Show him that you aren't that weakened woman, anymore. Show him you have the balls and confidence, to not tolerate this further crap.
So yes, you need to get a restraining order. This is all about protecting yourself from being hurt, killed, or maimed. You do what it takes. hun and it will take personal courage, strength and a unrelenting determination to get him out of your life. In the meantime, have your new bf spend a good deal of his time with you, spend time with family and friends a lot, and don't answer the door to this ex bf, do not accept phone calls, emails or text messages. And keep a journal on what he is doing to you. You will need undeniable proof, that you are being stalked and harrassed.
This may be the only way he will get the message. After you do that, you may have to change your place of residence, your phone numbers and basically just go low key for awhile. So he has no chance of tracking you down. This may seem unfair to you but these guys are psycholgically damaged people. And you need to do whatever it takes to get him the hell out of your life. Take care and keep me posted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Maybe the only way to deal with this, is head on. I think people get something in their head, and can't release it untill something specific is said or done. No doubt he has issues, but doing nothing, or getting a restraining order will not help, and can make things worse, as some have ended up dead.
The suggestion I have, is for the both of you to seek a marriage counselor. Each of you will seperately discuss the relationship to the professional, and the professional will ask questions, hopefully to get to the bottom of the problem. Your new boyfriend will need to escort you back and forth to the professional, and the dates and times you go must be kept secret.
To many times in relationships, things are said that hurt each other, and because our communication skill are so poor, we unknowingly make things worse. This is an effort for both of you to move on, learn from the mistakes which will help you avoid these mistakes again. It may sound scary, but if you really want to move on and leave the past behind you, your going to have to work it out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Hey Sweetie, my advice would be to imagine he is not your ex. If anyone else was doing this you would be calling the police, him having a history with you does not make what he is doing okay!
Try to distance yourself from the situation emotionally and treat him as the threatening, violent threat that he is.
Please don't leave it, he sounds very dangerous! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): I think the best course of action would be for you to get a solicitor's (lawyers's) letter sent to him advising him to leave you alone and not to contact you or approach you in any way, shape or form, and that if he chooses to ignore the letter, legal action will be taken in the form of a restraining order. The lawyer may have a better suggestion but whatever it costs it will be money well spent. Whether he gets crazy mad is no real concern of yours. If he does, he's obviously some kind of psychopath and should be treated as such.
You were wise to advise your current b/f not to use violence against your ex. It would not solve the problem and may even exacerbate it.
However, if no notice is taken of you or your lawyer, if your ex were to find himself being manacled, blindfolded, bundled into a pick-up truck and dropped off naked in the woods fifty miles from home with some friendly words of advice ringing in his ears, it might do some good.
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