A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having trouble moving on a dealing with the past. Most people move past stupid high school stuff but I'm still ashamed/embarrassed/feel horrible about things that happened when I was 13!I remember when I was around 13/14. I went through a horrible makeup stage where I wore far too much. I felt good when my social status was 'higher' than when it was at it's lower end at times. I started an online 'relationship' with a popular guy from a school the next town away, that a lot of the 'popular' people knew personally. It only lasted a few weeks. I was never bullied as in I got harnessed every day and I was pretty happy at the time but there was the odd comment of how I was ugly etc and people used to laugh at me when I started this 'relationship' and told this guy how my photos did me more justice than what I looked like in real life. I'll admit even though I didn't think I was ever that bad looking, I probably did go through an ugly duckling stage like a lot of teens and with my makeup 'art' and my good photography I could make myself loom half decent. Anyway it hurt at the time and It still hurts now. I know it's just stupid high school stuff and I should have moved on by now (I mean I'm 20 now!!) but when things like that come back to me I can't help but feel crap about it all over again!Another thing I feel terrible about is how horrible a person I was. I had a horrible attitude and treated my parents like crap. Not only that but my grandmother (on my dad's side) and I always seemed to clash. Whether it was just my teenag drama queen side of me coming out or not I always felt like she supported and preferred my older siblings to me. I felt she laughed at me so from about the ages of 13-17/18 we clashed regularly. I said some mean stuff to her and her to me, but I was disrespectful nonetheless and I feel terrible guilt for it now. Nowadays we get on better although we still clash on a few issues we've both learned how to deal with it and laugh it off (we both wind each other up) I know I should be able to move on but I'm really struggling and the negative thoughts are getting too much for me. Those are just some examples. How can I set my mind straight and move on from the stupid high school/teenage stuff and also deal with my guilty from behaving so horrible to my family?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 September 2014):
 If it's something you obsess over (and it does seem that way) look into cognitive behavioral therapy.
It can be very helpful for various OCD issues (not saying you have OCD, I can't diagnose anyone).
Talk to your doctor for a referral. Or if you are in college go through their mental health counseling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. The thing is, I know what you're all saying is true and rational and any 'normal' person wouldn't even be dwelling to much on this kind of stuff but there's something in my mind stopping me. Like a mental block or something. I'm not sure. I am looking at different therapies as I think it will help me with this and other irrational fears/problems I have.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2014):
You need to accept that that WAS you, it's NOT you anymore. You have outgrown that persona and that phase.
Instead of looking bad and having regrets, you need to let it go, be able to laugh at it instead.
If you feel like you REALLY hurt your family then talk to them ONE at a time and apologize. Even if it's several years later, it can do you all some good.
EVERYONE have done thing they wish they could undo or do differently, unfortunately for all of us, none of us have Tadis, we can't go back and change the past. The past is.. the past.
You are without doubt NOT the only person who did something cringeworthy in her teens. I think EVERY ONE of your friends have something they did and aren't too proud of, most people just learn to mentally "put it in a box" and store it away.
If you CAN NOT do that, you need to consider talking to a therapist.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (9 September 2014):
 Hello
The things that happened THEN are separate from what you are doing NOW and the person you were at 13 is in no way a reflection of what you are like as a woman in your 20s.
Most teenagers go through a stage of clashing with family as its a natural part of puberty and hormonal/physical changes. It doesn't make them a horrid person. Most of us did some pretty rebellious or ignorant things to our family at that age that we latter regret as our teenage brains want us to be independent and taken seriously, while our older, wiser families know we are in no way equipped to be as independent as we would want. We struggle to make a smooth transition from being a kiddy playing with dolls to a full blown adult with maturity and experience. The family down the road from me has a young daughter about your age: attractive, well spoken, good job, car, etc....I remember her at around 14 - talk about nightmare!!!! Its a stage we all go through.
Reading through your post I don't see anything that really stands out as "bad". Nothing out of the ordinary in any way. As for your looks you need to appreciate teens can be very cruel. There are so many pressures to look good now that each kid tends to compete with each other. Often its the most attractive girls who get bullied or made fun of out of jealousy. Besides your online relationship with a kid from a rival school is hardly a marriage breakdown! It was a couple of kids in a few weeks of acting grown up really.
I do think you are over thinking this way too much and need to move on. You are not that same person and believe me, after your very early twenties school seems a long way back in the past!! Up until the age of about 21 school is fresh in our minds, but after that it becomes so distant and hazy. Especially as we change so, so much in the first half of our twenties to the point where we cant even imagine being a teenager. You were hardly a problem teen!!! Falling out with your nan, annoying your parents and competing with other girls was just teenage angst coming through.
Mark
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Everyone does dumb things as a teenager, dont be ashamed of it either. We are all human and garunteed to make mistakes, but dont regret a single one. Because they brought you here today, and of you arent happy with that, instead of dwelling in the past, change something for the future. Its expected from teenagers to be little twits to their parents. Thr best thing for you now is to build upon ghe relationship you have with your parents and repair the damage done. They love you, they will always give you another chance. And you dont need therapy! What youre going through is totally normal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): When you can't move past your guilt and things haunt your from when you were only a child, maybe you need some therapy to come to grips with possible depression and anxiety.
You can't seem to grasp the fact that age was a factor in our behavior.
Our minds develop over time, and we learn as we age. Most teens have a rebellious stage, awkwardness, and incidents that are embarrassing. Maybe you need something more constructive to do with your time than dwell on your memories.
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