A
female
age
30-35,
*llineedistime
writes:This is very complicated. Okay, so I'm single, and a friend of mine who I was never very close with has just moved ten hours away. He randomly starting talking to me on facebook a few weeks ago, and the conversation flows so perfectly. We talk about EVERYTHING and within a few days I was comfortable telling him anything I needed to talk about or asking him anything, including sexual things. We never talked about that kind of thing as though we wanted to do things with each other, just about our past experiences and getting insight from someone of the opposite sex who didn't mind. It's been really cool having someone to talk to that way. But I'm starting to kind of feel differently about him after all this, we've started to talk on the phone and he treats me much better than any boyfriend I've ever had. Some things he says can be very flirtatious I think, but I pretend it's not because I know we can't be together that way... he's so far away and on top of that he has a girlfriend of two years who will soon be coming to live with him probably. She's putting it off. I'm starting to feel like maybe he is talking to me so much because he doesn't have her around like he used to and I know if she goes to live there I'm going to pretty much lose a very good friend. And I feel so selfish but this upsets me a lot and I don't want to not be able to talk to him about everything anymore. Also, I feel horrible because I don't think he realizes it but I am really starting to like him. And I would never act on it... but there it is. :( I want him to be happy, so I would never tell him that. But I don't know what to do, it hurts. I am not sure what my question is exactly, I just need some input. Would it bother you if your boyfriend talked to another girl on the phone and imed her for hours out of the day and night? About sexual things sometimes, even if it's not like we are sex talking each other? Should I stop this? I don't want to, he's so great. :( I'm confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): yes, this would bother me. Females tend to pick up on things quickly, and although he probably wont pick up on the fact that you are after him, she will. I think that it is not fair to the girlfriend or to him that you are talking to him regarding sexual things.
Ask yourself this question: Would you feel comfortable enough to talk to him and ask him these things in tha same tones as you have been doing while the girlfriend is present? If not, then you should not be talking to him in this way as it is inappropriate
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