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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: hi i would like to get some opinions from you i wonder can any of you help me with this quistion.i have just walked out on a 21 year marrige and left behind me a wery loving wife and grown up kids my youngest is 13 and oldest is almost 22.i fell in love with a 24 year old girl and we get on wery well i love this girl and she loves me very much too.we moved in togeter last week and i know the age gap is big its 16 years but i cant help how i feel about her.the problem is a lot of people say it wont last that im going throught a mid life cris.i dont think i am.but i am worried about this and am wondering how many of thease relationships last .will it last or is it just a pipe dream that a lot of men want you know a younger girl and all that but i do love her.my wife is heart broken over this and asked me not to do this to her and kids but i had to i dont love my wife i love this girl do you think it will last or will i fall flat on my face please help
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (8 December 2006):
 Well of course it CAN last....there are exceptions to every rule.
So did you not love your wife BEFORE you met miss thing or was that a result of you meeting someone who makes you feel so alive again.(whooo hooo) two years older than your child....ewwwwww.
See here is the head game behind men leaving the wife for the young girl. You are settled, you have passed out money til the kids are grown...you feel older and then not only do you get in a young things pants.(see I am not old...i still got it!!!)...BUT she doesn't know all the crap your wife put up with...And she jUST ADORES you. Because you look better to her than lonely....give it a few years....you won't look so great to her. (and are you ready for the second family? she will want kids...even if she says she doesn't...her clock is not ticking yet) But anyway your job is all finished right...why should you not have all the freedom in the world?....well sort of...13 is sure not ready to see DAD and his new girlfriend and explaining that dad thinks more of her, and likes to have sex. and feel young. so he does not have time to stay and be Dad anymore. (Great life lesson...if it's important...you can wait til your out of high school......Oh but I didn't wait til your were out of high-school because I am a grown up and get to be an idiot)
Do you really think this is going to last?....you already know.
Think it is fun to have the little adventure...sure it is. Are you being a self centered little penis....sure you are and ya know it. Your wife is heartbroken....Awww...bet ya didn't MEAN to hurt her...right?
The problem for you sir is that you Have gotten in over your head and all the other cliche's.
You may think new girl is perfect right now. Wait til the generation gap sets in....and by the way how would you feel about your 22 year old child Dating someone your age and breaking up a marriage? You would be furious and consider them an idiot. How do her parents feel about you? How do your parents feel about your new girl.
You CAN make it work...but if you knew all the crap you will have to put up with (not to mention your kids and ex-wife) to get there I wonder if you would think it was worth it? One morning you will wake up and realise how desperately you miss all the comfortable little quirks and smells and sounds of your real family. and right this minute...you are destroying it for a little new toy.
Right now the option to go back doesn't look so great to you because....your so in "LOVE". there is no fool like an old fool.
Just be warned that at some point that option to be taken back by your family will close. Then it will have greatly added value...because you can't have it.
Now about your kids. Will they ever get over this....NO. They will say its fine to make you feel better.....But it won't ever get better...they will just be able to hide it better...maybe. See if you died...there is grief...you had no choice but to leave. But, when you choose to be gone (even if you see them every dang day...your gone) from the family...then...then you have committed suicide for the family. You have Decided for everyone....what makes YOU feel good. And it is just as bad as a death for everyone...(but you of course because you have your little girl drug)...they grieve and it hurts and they are just so embarrassed that they were so awful....you could not stand them anymore.
Now if you were not in love with your wife at all and could not see living with her then you should have left her in a respectful loving way. Gotten a divorce and THEN began dating. She may not have understood...but at least you would not be kicking her in the teeth and Flaunting that she's an old horrible cow in bed and now you have found Hot stuff and SHE can't compete with it....and your kids...the very ones who made Her figure not perfect....were just a short diversion for you...Because they meant nothing to you.
If you loved your wife ever at all even a tiny bit(or your children for that matter)....you would have ended it with her before you started dating.....Much less MOVED IN with the new girl. (or at least been a bit discreet) But instead, you have jumped in the pool and splashed everyone with your icky water....don't expect them to forgive you anytime soon after ruining their cloths.
You say you Had to do it that way..........You HAD to.
Bull.
You made choices that affected everyone....but you only thought of One person in your decisions. You thought only of the one person you love more than any man woman or child on this earth.....you thought of YOU.
wow.....way to make every holiday uncomfortable for everyone for the rest of your lives. that's showing maturity and thinking ahead and being considerate of you loved ones feelings and hoping to put you and new girl on a sound footing for success.
failing to plan is planning to fail....but hope it all magically works out for ya.
You asked for opinions...and no I don't know everything about you...but I know enough to realise that you could have made decisions all along this path that would have spared other peoples feelings...and you didn't. If you want THIS relationship to work....you need to figure out why the 21 year one ended....and DO BETTER.
First lesson...love means you think of THEM first...not yourself.
Put the big brain back in control and see what you can do to fix some of this mess....then worry about what the little brain tells you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): Nobody can say whether a relationship will last or not - there are too many variable factors. You are probably in the best position to tell as you are the one in the relationship! Since you don't know, nobody else has any chance of guessing correctly either.
Though, the fact that you were happy enough to stay in your marriage until you met this new woman says a lot. If your marriage was so bad, i think you'd have left before now. It's quite rare that a relationship which started through infidelity will be successful in the long term. Then again, you may be the exception.
As i said at the beginning, who knows!?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): I feel for your wife! 21 years with grown up kids, where does she goe from here. I bet your were her life and soul. She has given up the best years of her life and you walk out with a 24 year old. Sorry to sound sarky, but when this 'girl' of yours gets a bit older will she still be so enthralled with you? I bet not, she'll want someone her own age.
My friend met a girl 15 years younger when he was in the rebound of his first marriage, they had two kids and got married, ten years later when she was only 35 she met someone younger than her, she went off with him and left the kids behind. She now has a life of riley. Sorry, but i don't think it can but don't go running back to your wife, she, hopefully will of moved on.
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A
female
reader, raq  +, writes (8 December 2006):
 Its sounds a bit crazy but we only have ONE life. Your wife may have been very loving, it didnt stop you leaving your marriage though did it! Your kids may resent you for a while but if it feels right then go for it. I left my husband and im ok with it.It took my 2 years to stop feeling the guilt. I dont regret a thing. Please try and look on the bright side,what will be will be!!
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