A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so terribly embarrassed and I just need to get this off my chest. I can't tell any of my friends so I'm really just looking to confide in someone and for advice.I've had an enormous work crush on someone for about 9 months, who I've actually been 'work friends' with for about 4 years. He kissed me when he was drunk then treat me completely normal after, as if nothing had happened. I was quite hurt but I definitely get the impression he only likes me as a friend. He just acts normal but every time I see him I start shaking with nerves, and lose my voice. It must be so so obvious that I like him, I actually feel like I'm in love with him, and i know myself that nothing is going to happen and I need to get over it, but nomatter how many times I tell myself to get over him, and try to avoid him, I still feel head over heels. I feel like we arent as good friends anymore because I'm ap awkward around him that I cant be myself anymore. I have anxiety much I manage to hide it quite well usually and people think I'm very happy, sociable, etc.. but with him I just talk rubbish. Even if he did like me I will have put him off with my terrible nerves and awkwardness and shaking. I'm deeply embarrassed cause he spoke to me today and I couldn't get my words out and started shaking. Ridiculous right?! I hate myself for it but I had no control over my nerves. I just kept chatting rubbish, then felt really upset after. I'm usually quite confident and get a good amount of Male attention, i would say I'm attractive, but this crush is eating me up and wont go away. I know I need to get over him but its easier said than done. How can I get over him? Should I really avoid him in work (use a different kitchen to the one on our floor, etc?) I'm so embarrassed I could cry!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2020): life is short tell him how you feel about him...if he kissed you he more than likely has feelings about you too. ask him out for a drink after work, and let him know how you feel about him. you never know it might make a difference for the best in your life.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (17 January 2020):
Are either or both of you married? Is there a rule in your work place against employee relationships? If not why don’t you ask him out? This unrequited thing is holding you in limbo. Going out with him will help you move forward. You’ll become a couple or you will discover he’s not the guy for you or vice versa.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 January 2020):
 Maybe you should work on accepting that it ISN'T going to GO anywhere. I think when you know your crush isn't into you it USUALLY wears off, why you so stubbornly keep obsessing over him I can't tell you.
I can guess though. If you are generally used to male attention and this guy? Well, he kissed you while drunk but he didn't DO it because he was into you or interested IN you, and that hurts your ego a little, it makes him an EVEN bigger challenge than a guy who IS into you, thus you can't quite let it go. It's NOT logical, but it is human nature. It's like "non-cat"-people who wants a CAT to like them. The cat knows thus IGNORES them even harder, and the more they IGNORE the person, the more the person tries to engage. Best way to get a cat interested? IS to ignore them.
Of course this guy isn't a cat. And of course the answer is NOT to ignore him. IT's NOT exactly HIS fault that you are crushing on him like a tween on a pop-star.
My advice FOR a while, AVOID him but don't go out of your way, like to another floor to use a kitchen, that's silly. If you end up in the same area, be polite and get out. So if you share a kitchen say hi, make your tea (or whatnot) and leave. No need to hang around and make yourself look like a goober.
And go out with friends, meet new people (note I DON'T mean DATE or HOOK UP, just get out and rebuild your confidence a little). DO things you enjoy, like hobbies, outing etc. Basically... GET A LIFE (I mean that in the nicest term). Take your mind of this "cat" of a man. He just isn't interested.
There is no magic fix, OP you need to stop obsessing over this dude. Yes, easier said than done, but not everything in life is easy. How to do this? Well, for starters like mentioned) ACCEPT that he isn't interested in you in THAT way. While you might be VERY attractive you are NOT going to be every guy's cup of tea and THAT is OK.
The reason you fluster up so much is because you are hyper aware that you are awkward around him, so yes, minimizing the amount of time you spend around him can also help, but again ACCEPTING that you are not always super cool and smooth is another thing to think on. So IF you run into him at work, don't stop for conversations if you think you are going to sound like a silly-nilly. Just smile, say hi and get out of there.
It will pass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): If your reaction to him is that bad, and you are having trouble getting over him, then yes, it’s time to cut him out of your life and limit contact to the bare minimum necessary.
It’s ok to do that, it’s not rude. You say he’s not interested, and based on the facts you provided I tend to agree with you, so there’s no point in trying to pursue a friendship. And he should understand that if he can’t reciprocate your feelings then you need to cut contact. And that’s that.
Hopefully you’ll be able to focus on other people and things going on in your life so you don’t waste your youth on something that isn’t going to happen.
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