A
male
age
30-35,
*layerboybri
writes:Ok i got a major problem. well i have been with this girl for 1 yr and 7 months and i love her to peaces but i have the feeling of wanting to date other ppl. well i told her how i felt and she ran crying. so i felt like a complete doosh. i didnt leave her for another and i dont want something new sexually just something new. well i told her i felt more there to protect her (abusive parents) than be her bf, and now that we got her out of there and all's good now, i feel sick just being around her. I'm so confused on what to do, ' cause i love her, but im not in love with her, and she was my first everything...gf, kiss, sex...everything, and i'm completely lost.If u have any experiences or insite to this i could really use ur help, cause i am in such a depressive state idk what to do thanks again......brian Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): You actually sound like you have been a great boyfriend and helped her through a really rough time with her parents. I don't know what her situation is now when you say all is good, but I would be very careful in how you approach the subject of dating others.
First off, there is no reason to tell her that you love her but are not in love with her because that is really meaningless. You are probably too young to really understand this but love is not about just feelings. Love is a commitment, a concious decision to love to BE worthy of love and to put someone else above your self most of the time....and it sounds like you have done half of that, but it is the commitment you lack...and so you should, really, you are just a kid....you would be making a grave mistake to settle into this relationship and to get married at such a young age. Explain it to your girlfriend in these terms, that you are both too young to be just dating one person. Life is for experiences and learning and learning about who you are and what you want out of life....you have a lot to learn, you are not able to support yourself financially or have an idea of how to do that, so it is best to remain single until you are ready to settle down and make a life long commitment.
If you do that too early or out of obligation or guilt it will never last and you will only be hurting each other more....better to part as friends, and let each other live your own lives. It will be hard at first, but as time goes on and you get back to being individuals first, things will seem better, freer and lighter on your road to finding your true path in life.
This isn't about not being IN LOVE, it is about no being ready to be worthy of love to another by making a full ocmmittment and that isn't fair to either one of you.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): 1 year and 7 months is a very long relationship for someone so young!! I was in the same situation up until a few months ago..Im only 18 and I was seeing my ex for nearly two years, the same as you. But he told me he doesnt feel the same for me as he did at the start of our relationship. Dont get me wrong..it hurts like HELL and ur girlfriend is going to be very, very hurt. But whats the point of prolonging her pain? If you genuinely feel like things arent goin to work out and ur 100% that she is not the "one" then I think the best thing you could do is end it. When its over..thats when you'll know if you've made the right decision, as you may realise that she is actually the one for you. If you don't miss her very much after breaking up then you'll know your hearts not in it.
Take care and good luck
xxx
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