A
female
age
30-35,
*lover123
writes:Okay. So, my friend Taylor and I used to be really close, but we've lost touch. Just kind of....grew apart you know? And lately I've been talking to her brother Matt. Matt and I disagree on everything.....sexual orientation stuff, religion, work ethic, a woman's role (he's kinda sexist) etc. and sometimes he's a huge asshole, but he's one of my best friends. He has a lot of good qualities too. He's funny, caring, loyal, and nice when he's not being an arrogant jerk. He's like my brother, and sometimes he's so overprotective he acts more like a dad then a friend. This is going to get a little weird, I'm gonna warn you. Like, this is going to be TMI overload, but Matt is very religious.....you know....like "pure" and what not. But he's actually addicted to porn...and only I know this. And I think he's very....uh attractive. And then he told me other things...like his size "down there" and that I was sexy and other things like that and it's like.....I don't know then I couldn't stop thinking about him after that conversation. And I don't know if I like him or just find him hott or what. I know we could never have a practical relationship because I'd prolly kill him over all the potential fights we'd inevitably have and Taylor would freak out. But something seems to be drawing me to him and I don't know what and it's really frustrating me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): It's pretty common for young people to have a disconnect between what they say, what they do, and what they believe. Especially when they are a boy chatting with a beautiful girl.You really don't find out what people really believe until they are comfortable enough with you to be completely honest.People tend to pay honesty with honesty. So when the two of you are in a comfortable situation, be honest about what you feel. Tell him in a non-confronting way that you like him as a person, because of his excellent qualities, but he also talks a lot of stuff that worries you, and you wonder if that is real or an affectation.Playing "scenarios" is one way to find out what people actually think. So if he thinks women should behave as if in the 1950s then draw out that vague idea with specifics -- does he actually imagine you as a homemaker, with him bringing in all of the money and then handing it all to you; does he think that all the major decisions of the household should be made by him alone, with all the responsibility on his shoulders; and so on. The trick here isn't to be confrontational or immediately judgmental, but to seek to understand the other person, to get your head around where they are really coming from. The physical aspects help a lot in becoming relaxed enough to hold these discussions: there really can't be anyone else around, and often they're held in a semi-intimate but not sexual place. With one girl, that was in her car, looking out over the city.
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