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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am 15. I like this guy and we are sort of friends. He is pretty outgoing and I am kind of shy till I get to know you. I have a hard time talking to him because I like him so much. I asked him what the worst thing there was about me, and he said you are pretty shy. Is that a bad thing? Does that mean he will not want to get to know me more or is it not that bad because there could be lots of worse things about me? I think he kind of likes me, but I am scared because there are lot of more outgoing girls that hit on him all the time and maybe he finds me boring cuz I I get nervous around him. How can I get more outgoing with him? It's weird too, cuz his friend talks to me a lot and I don't have that much trouble talking to him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2006): Hi, I am a shy guy and I also know quite a bit about psychology.
I really wouldn't worry about being shy - it's quite natural especially in your teenage years when you are still finding out who you are. 70% of women say that they are shy so you are in good company!
Shyness for girls is seen as a positive trait by men. If a girl acts shy then the guy sees her as being more feminine and attractive. Women are no less likely to marry or have children if they are shy (men are less likely).
The most important thing you can do is let him know you're interested in some way (it doesn't have to be in words) (not an easy thing to do, i know)! Otherwise how will he know?! (yes, it would be nice if he could be sensitive enough to figure it out, but this isn't a perfect world after all).
If he's not interested, yes it will be upsetting but at least you will know.
Its like Will Smith says in the film Hitch: 'If you're shy, be shy, if you're outgoing be outgoing. You can't use what you haven't got'
The most important thing is that you LIKE WHO YOU ARE! Believe me, in a few years time you're not gonna care whether or not you hooked up with him. What will matter is whether you like yourself as a person. Look at your intentions and you'll know that you only meant well and you are a good, kind person - anything after that is irrelevant.
Best Wishes!
A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (14 March 2006):
 Hey there pet,
Dont worry! I know exactly how you feel!! When I first met my boyfriend he said I was too shy.. Its not a bad thing its just becasue I was more worried about how I looked and If i made the right impression than I was trying to make conversation, and believe me there wasnt much!!
The guy obviously likes you alot but I think you got worried a bit when he mentioned "shy", I have to admit I did too..
That is because you dont really know him well enough and you are scared that you wont impress him if you do something "stupid".
If you dont impress him by the way that you are as a person then he obviously is not worth the bother, you are 15 and young you will get plenty of other chances if you let them happen.
As for talking to the friend, (believe it or not) that is a big step.. It is though, only natural to be able to talk to the friend because he is not the one that you are attracted to so you only see him as a friend aswell..
You can only get more outgoing if you let yourself be that way.. and the way to do it is simply relax.. It usually helps if you do something that doesnt involve alot of conversation like, Going to the cinema that way when you come out you can talk about the film.. It is actually a very good way to get to know someone just by watching a film together..
Good Luck
Jacqueline
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