A
male
age
41-50,
*jdz
writes:I've been in a relationship for over 18 months. after 9 months I moved to another country and engaged to her right before coming. our plan is that after 12 months I would bring her with me as the visa paperworks didn't allow me to bring her with me immediately. We've been away for almost 10 months and I have not cheated on her until now. this ocurred after I went out with a coworker and we both got drunk. as a matter of fact i'm not 100% sure if we had intercourse, but still remember kissing her and having intimate touching with her.the thing is that I really and only love my fiance and feel very scared of her reactions if i tell her.she is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with, and actually i am moving back to my country because i really need to be with her and the paperworks have been more difficult than expected; and i dont care about leaving a better economic position if I cannot be with her.i need the money but is not as important as being with her. so i dont know if i should tell her, please tell me you opinions.
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co-worker, drunk, engaged, fiance, kissing, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, hjdz +, writes (4 September 2007):
hjdz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind advice. Honestly I will think about it this week but feel that you are totally right, I don't know if I can bear with being so dishonest.
On the other hand, what makes this so difficult is that I dont have any feelings for this other person and like I said before, I am not even sure that something happened.
But I guess that just touching or kissing someone else is still cheating. It's a shame that after keeping clean for 9 months I screwed it up few weeks aways from returning to her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): If you tell her then you face potential break up and guaranteed heartbreak. If you don't and she finds out, i'd say you'd face almost guaranteed break up and heartbreak. If you don't tell her and she doesn't find out however these things can be avoided but can you really bare being so dishonest? I think it's almost worse to not tell her, you've already betrayed her by cheating yet you want to further betray her by lying to her? You obviously feel guilty and avoiding the truth will only cause it to play on your mind more.
In my opinion I think you should tell her what you have said here, how you stuffed up but you truly love your fiancee and she is the only one you love and ever want to be with. Acknowledge you made a huge mistake but don't, whatever you do, don't try to make excuses. Tell her you were drunk but acknowledge to her that you know it's not an excuse and doesn't justify the act. Tell her how sorry you are and ensure her you'll never cheat again. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Boy did you ever screw up!
This is a tough situation. Fraternizing with a co-worker to that degree was your first mistake. Your second mistake was getting drunk with that co-worker.
If you think you can keep that from her I would say don't let her know.
If it were me though I would be ready to take my medicine and tell her because she deserves to know.
The reason I say don't let her know is that she could very well walk out on you although you should be ready to take responsibility for your actions anyway. It would hurt her and with good reason.
In this case I think you need to use your own concience to decide what you need to do. For one thing you know her, I don't. I don't know what kinds of reactions she has to things. So in this case all I can say is; I hope things work out. Doc.
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