A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi,Forgive me if this sounds a little silly, but if you could help me put my mind to rest I'd appreciate it.I have been seeing a girl at my course at university for the past 3 weeks or so. 3 weeks is a very short time, but I feel like my feelings for her aren't growing very fast. Is that normal? She's a lovely girl, and I have a great time with her, but I just don't feel that "into her" just yet, and I think I know why. In the past week, I have found myself becoming incredibly anxious. University can be quite stressful, and I think the stress has made me worry about this. In the past week, I've found myself really scared that I'm going to somehow mess things up with her, or that she'll cheat. She doesn't seem like the type to cheat at all, but yet, here I am worrying about it!The girl I'm dating is the closest thing I've had to a relationship that could work for quite a long time, so I'm guessing that I'm nervous too.So, is it normal to feel like your feelings aren't growing, even if it's only been a short time? And what can I do to chill out over this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): Of course it's normal if you're stressed, as it exaggerates all your negative emotions and worries. I wouldn't worry too much, carry on with her and see how it goes, time will prove whether she is a cheater and whether you actually love her. If it's not working then end it, but don't miss out on what could be a good thing because you are scared that it will go bad 0 it's the same in any relationship - if you've never dated them and they've never showed signs of ruining it, then it's worth trying.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (15 November 2008):
 Hi Andy,
I think that maybe you are afraid of being hurt again and therefore subconsciously protect yourself from feeling too much for her.
My advice would be to just relax, and when those thoughts come, just observe and let them go again. You might mess it up but most likely you will not. In any case you can't do much more than just be yourself and hope that will mean no mess. And if it does, then maybe she is not the one after all.
And try not to stress out too much about the studies. There will be a lot of new things to learn, but there will always be second chances if you miss an exam here and there. Not that I recommend you to not do your best, but if you would fail a few times you will not be kicked out.
Enjoy this new life you entered and don't let all worries pull you down.
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 November 2008):
You need to give yourself a clip round the back of your head.
You've been together 3 weeks, you are taking it slowly, and everything is fine. Yes you may mess it up, and there is no absolutely 100% garuntee that she won't cheat. But it won;t be the end of the world. You've only been together 3 weeks.
I get the feeling that this is your first real girlfriend which would explain why you are so scared by the whole thing.
Go and have some breakfast and a little nap and all will be well.
Good Luck!! xx
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