A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have been kind of seeing this guy for a while. We've been really good friends for a while now, and recently it's developed into more. We've kissed and stuff but that's all, he's asked me on a date but we've not been on it yet. I just want to take things slow, because i'm not sure i can trust him since he has hurt me in the past, a long time ago.The thing is I've been on his profile on a certain social networking site and there are all these comments from this girl. I can only see one half of their conversation (i cannot see what he has replied because her profile is locked) but basically piecing all the comments together i can only assume they are having sex. Infact it's pretty obvious that there is something going on there.His relationship status is set to single, and we haven't had sex yet and i won't do so until i have some kind of commitment from him. I've asked him if he has anything going on with anyone else and he said no. I know this isn't cheating because we aren't together yet...but i still feel all horrible. I know he really likes me, we were good friends before all this started. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): We've agreed we're more than friends but we're taking it slow and seeing what happens. Both of us aren't the best when it comes to talking about feelings, and I don't think either of us want to mess up our friendship. Lately we've been arguing alot because of my insecurities and my friends sticking their noses in (in one case it ended up with one of my mates and him in a fist fight) He asks if I still want to go on this date, but wants me to pick a day and time and won't suggest one himself. It's all very confusing.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 He's hurt you once, and he can do it again. I'm glad that you're taking things slow and not wanting to get into anything without a committment from him.
You say that what he's doing with her (if he in fact is doing anything) is not cheating because you two aren't together and although I agree with you, I can also see why this would make you feel horrible.
To him, you're not dating and you're not in a relationship so he owes you nothing and therefore he's free to do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants. What I want to know is what you're doing with him? What have you agreed you are?
Don't just hang out with him, kiss him and whatever else without some sort of a committment. That gets you nowhere. To you, it means going slow but to him it means he's free to sleep with other girls.
If you want to go slow, you can go slow in a relationship. If you want one tell him that. Get the committment first then go slow.
What you need to do is assert yourself and tell him what you want. If you don't establish what you're doing with him, but keep seeing him and kissing him, he's going to see other girls in the meantime. It's time to put your foot down and ask for what you want.
best of luck
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