A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm paranoid about getting someone pregnant. I'm currently 31 and have had 1 or 2 sexual partners every year since my mid twenties. Every time I do have sex I use the condom properly, and most of the women I've been with are also on the pill or some other form of birth control. However, one time about 3 years ago I had a pregnancy scare, luckily nothing happened, but I think it scarred me. From every subsequent partner I've had since that woman I'm constantly worrying and agonizing whether I've gotten her pregnant. It usually lasts for a couple days and I try to comfort myself looking up statistics but no matter what contraceptives you use nothing is 100% effective and it worries me tremendously. Having protected sex is fun, but I am seriously considering abstaining. I don't want to get someone pregnant and the only way to guarantee that is to not have sex. But at the same time I want to keep dating women, and part of me thinks that they won't understand why I wouldn't want to have sex if it's protected. And part of me sympathizes with them too. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for your time!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2017):
 I think you need to see a specialist who deals with anxiety disorders. It is clear that you have some sort off anxiety disorder and you need to get to the bottom off that before making any life changing decisions about a vasectomy.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (11 December 2017):
 I think you should see a therapist about your relationship issues and pregnancy phobia - though it's possible a vasectomy may be your best option for the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your kind words everybody.
I have seriously considered getting a vasectomy as well. I don't even know if I really do want to raise a kid one day.
I've had several sexual partners but only two girlfriends, and both of them broke my heart. One of them cheated on me (she's the reason I signed up to this website 10 years ago haha)
So yes, I am afraid to get close to someone. I sometimes even end potential relationships for inane reasons. I never want to make my relationships official, so to speak, out of this fear.
Even now I've been dating a girl for about a month and a half and have made no effort to ask her to be my girlfriend and I think I've paid the price as she's grown increasingly distant.
I am overly anxious, and Ill try to relax more about it. Maybe open up to getting closer to someone, I just don't want to go through heartbreak again.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 December 2017):
If you really don't want a bio child ever, which isn't a bad idea (with overpopulation as it is), then get a vasectomy - a permanent solution, leaving no chance (or as close to) of getting anyone pregnant.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (10 December 2017):
You probably are over anxious about the chances. If the statistics comfort you do you take into account the statistical probability of becoming pregnant even if birth control fails? You could factor this in to show that the incidences of actial pregnancy occurring through two types of birth control failing are incredibly low. You are more likely to become injury walking to the bedroom and thereby not being able to perform! Do you want children? I can tell you that you don't know real worry until you have them! If not, perhaps just get the snip!
But seriously,if this anxiety is preventing you doing what you want in your life it could correctly be described as a phobia. A phobia that prevents you forming relationships is quite serious. You may want to see a physicians advice about it. Good luck.
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