A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:right I'm not best person in world when it comes to relationships etc. but I've met a few lasses but never seem to end up in a proper relationship, 1st girlfriend I had when I was around 14/15, and was cheated on... aswell as being dumped the sane night I tell her my grandad passed away... since then I've met up with a few lasses but never actually been in a relationship, I've had a few people in family pass away since leaving school so heads been all over place, fealing depressed etc.my main concern is being a Virgin. I don't drink much and work nights, I haven't a clue when it comes to chatting up a lass anymore as I just haven't bothered since 2009,2010. just being rejected every time. obviously I'm doing something wrong. and need some sort of advice. any help will be much appreciated thanks in advance
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Here, let's go off the hook. Try to chat us up. Give us the best of your last text exchanges. We will critique and offer suggestions. We will try our best not to upset or insult you but keep in mind that you are already a bit tender about this. Your antennae may be quivering and expecting rejection.
I think you deserve to have a relationship. I think you have a lot to offer. You are here, laying it out and facing criticism. I think that's really brave. Seriously, I do.
So let us give you enough guidance that you have a new approach and maybe next month you'll be posting 'thanks guys." Okay, deal?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
If you are texting the 'lasses' you meet, then perhaps they are put off by your grammar and spelling. Just a suggestion of something you may want to take a good look at. You've said you haven't had success with your current approach. I would take a look at how you present yourself. And everything counts when you meet someone, looks, voice, and in the case of texting, spelling, tone and grammar is all-important.
If you can't get any results via texting then obviously you need to change up the texting. Either the tone/spelling/grammar or go for no texting and meet up with them in person where you can present the wonderful you that you are. And I am not trying to be facetious. If you are wonderful, show them why.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): I do actually meet lasses? I don't just text , and education wise, well I've learnt a lot more since leaving school. school taught me sod all. also in all fairness I like straight answers.but seen as though I'm asking advice some of which is helpful. what is with some of the criticism. I never asked for judgement on how my spelling or grammar is.what does education have to do with meeting a lass. Id like a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with me ... not my wallet.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
"my main concern is being a Virgin." vs "being a virgin doesn't bother me as much." Um. If you are confused, maybe the people you meet and talk to will be confused, as well?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
How about instead of getting caught up in texting, you ask them out properly? "We could text for days but I'd rather see you sooner. Lets have drinks at ****** at 7pm, my round to start."
Your spelling and grammar aren't great, maybe you are giving off the impression that you aren't very well educated?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): @chigirl
I know what your saying, most annoying thing is when chatting up a lass, that I'm clueless to if certain lasses like me or not.
im not a Dick I do know that if I sit on my arse
I've got about as much chance as a Brick in having a relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): being a virgin doesn't bother me as much.(im all for fun but is rather not bed every.lass I come into contact with and sod them off afterwards ) I'm not a complete boring twat, I have changed a lot since leaving school but obviously now I'm begining to meet more people (I have to talk to others I'm working in security industry) I havnt been to counciling as I feel I can cope I have coped with deaths in the familyIf I wasn't willing to change/ gear up I wouldn't of bothered posting hear .. lasses do give me there numbers but don't know if I tend to text to much or not enough when I do , don't know things to ask. I don't smoke I don't get pissed. all I'm asking is for a few tips and pointers.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 It's annoying to me really, that men being virgins is seen as such a negative they end up getting depressed about it. While women being virgins is supposedly so amazing and great that they get supportive cheers and a pat on the head for being a "good girl".
Listen, you being a virgin is NOT something to get depressed about, feel less of a man about, or feel embarrassed about. Women your age are virgins too, and you are definitely not the only male virgin left. There are several who are older than you and still virgins. But people usually don't flaunt this sort of information, so you probably just haven't heard of it. But that doesn't mean you are the only one.
In your case I think it is better that you are still a virgin, than had you slept around and just had casual sex. Casual sex is not more attractive in a man than it is in a woman, and it certainly doesn't make you a winner in life.
You're being stuck on your past, and using it as an excuse for why you can mope around and not put yourself out there. Everyone has been hurt in love, everyone has had tehir hearts broken. Not everyone has been cheated on, but there are tons of other ways to crush someone's heart than cheating. Having had your heart broken is not something unique to you alone. You need to get over it and stop giving it so much meaning. It happened, it was years ago, and you're still alive. You got through it. You can move on, and find someone. Or, you can sit at home and feel sorry for your misfortune, never give it a fair shot again, and build on your anxieties concerning your virginity.
Taking to people is about practice. So you've been rejected, that's not abnormal. Everyone gets rejected!!! It's not just you!! I don't think you're doing it "wrong", I just think you haven't given it a decent try and gotten out there and perfected your game. Flirting and striking up a conversation, getting attention and being attractive to the opposite sex isn't about physical appearances, virginities, or qualities you were born with. It is actually something you learn through practice. The better you flirt, the better you strike up conversations, the better you present yourself, the more attractive you become.
Learning how to flirt also means you will learn the way more important part: recognising when someone is interested in YOU. And believe me, most guy as CLUELESS to when a woman is interested in them. They don't see it! We have to be so blunt before you open your eyes, and most women are not brave enough to walk up to a guy and tell him straight that she likes him. The signs are subtle. And you need to learn how to read them. I am willing to bet that there are women who are/have been interested in you, but that you are blind to it.
Get out there and practice until you get a relationship. That is the only way unless you are incredibly lucky and meet an incredibly brave woman who is willing to pursue you and tell you straight up that she likes you. But that doesn't happen often, so I wouldn't put my hopes on that happening.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2012):
There's self-deprecating and there's plain old boring when it comes to chatting up the lasses. Right now, you are sounding really boring and frankly not interesting. Would you give you your number if you were the girl you were chatting to? Um, really, would you? I don't think you would.
In order to get over being shy, you need to practice. Practice practice practice. Chat with everyone you meet. Male, female, old, young, straight, gay, pink, brown, blue, happy... make eye contact, try to learn something unique about them, share your love for life.
Don't have a whole lot of faith or love for life at the moment? Lots of death and bereavement can take a toll. Life is short. I did the math this weekend. If you live to be 100, you will have 5200 weekends. Assuming you are 20 then by the time you are 70, you will have enjoyed (or not enjoyed) 2600 weekends.... looking at it that way, it's could be depressing.
But it also can be galvanizing. Wake up, dude (as my 8 year old nephew would say)! Dude, you have to LIVE, you have to pay attention, you have to appreciate what you have.
You need to change it up. Become aware of yourself in your moment, at this time, I love yoga and meditation for this. Start it, I think you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Plus, those classes tend to be geared to women, need I say more?
Yes, people die. It's shit and awful and should be outlawed. It's also natural and part of life and can't be stopped. Get grief counseling if you are having trouble dealing with it.
Again, what you've been doing isn't working. Change it up. Get up earlier, stand on one foot, and brush your teeth using your other hand to hold the toothbrush. Think I'm joking about that? I am not. You need to jump start your brain and make some new synapse connections. Read my profile, I have some required reading for you there.
Start with 'A New Earth" and then visit http://www.actionforhappiness.org/ and get some great tips there.
Start working out, if you aren't already. Fix your diet, don't smoke, nurture your physical self and try to reconnect with your inner self. You are in there, and all you need is to experience that knowledge of yourself as a being, open your eyes and stop that mind from tanking your chances at connecting with another person.......
Sorry, got out ahead of myself. Start connecting with people on a level other than 'I'm a virgin and I need to meet someone!' Deal with your real grief and losses and take care of yourself. You can do this. I know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2012): good answer , only 1 thing I've found though, I try being the gentleman if you like, and always compliment lasses,
but I always happen to knack something up being nice and all the rest of it doesn't seem to work,
always seems to be some Dickhead to put it simply that lasses bugger off with.
I forgot to add that I can be shy sometimes around lasses(which doesn't help and is.annoying at times as i don't seem to be when I'm getting the lasses number for example)
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A
male
reader, xckidd1991 +, writes (19 May 2012):
Basic principles: no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.-Hitch
My best advice would to just be friendly. just be regular. remember that girls like to talk about themselves. Obviously things like, manners, personal space, not being clingy, smiling, making her laugh, grooming, all help too.
I wouldn't worry about the virgin thing. It'll happen when it's meant to. Also do some research about relationships/dating online.
Good Luck!
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