A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m obsessed with a local celebrity (not hugely known, only kind of in the theater world), and Ibwant to be her friend,friend only as im female, and she’s marrie.how can I get over this? It’s so stupid!?I’m so embarassed.I’m a grown woman of 40 something and she’s late 30s with husband and kid, she has the perfect life, is talented and loved, and and I’m alone single, and with a quiet, routine life.Her social media is full of her amazing life and nice comments.She’s so loved. She lives in a different city, and is a stage actress, so travels for shows, I see her theater shows when they are on in my city, but have twice travelled to her city to see her shows that aren’t in my city.I want to be friend but I’m not delusional and know it’ll never happen. once 3 yrs ago Ivhad a photo with her at stage Door after a show. She took the pic, smiled in it (no one else wanted a pic with her, they were waiting For the shows star,) she was rushed and a little cold, and I was disappointed I Couldn’t chat, but know she wanted to get out of there! The photo is a special item of mine, framed.Why do we become obsessed?It’s one of my dreams to be her friend, but it won’t happen, or could it.We ALL have people we’d like to be friends with but can’t right ?Even if it’s our doctor, boss, dentist, friend of a friend, celeb, singer, sports star, aquaintance who dislikes us etc..I’m not unfollowing her on social media, that’s too much.Am so embarassed, no one knows!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (7 April 2018):
 I see by your flag that you are in Australia, which means you CAN access some therapy at no cost, a minimum six and up to ten sessions.
Make an appointment with your GP and request he set up a mental health care plan. If he feels you require further help once the initial six sessions are completed he may be able to organise further assistance.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 April 2018):
 You say you are embarrassed of this obsession, YET you cling to it like it's a piece of flotsom on a stormy sea.
You say :" I’m not unfollowing her on social media, that’s too much."
So you want to KEEP indulging your own obsession. You want to keep ACCESS to her social media so your own little fantasy can keep going.
If therapy is out of reach, how about common sense? If you feel FOOLISH for this obsession, then CUT away the things that makes you FEEL that way.
That would include HER social media.
While it's perfectly normal to admire a public figure, you know you have crossed a line here with your own little fantasy life that seems out of control (to you).
Maybe instead of this envy and day dreams you could do things IN YOUR life to better your OWN situation.
Maybe getting OFF social media is a start. I doubt you will do it because for now you are getting something out of your delusion.
There is no instant fix here. It will take work. LOOK up CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-minute-shrink/201006/taming-obsessive-thoughts
https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/signs/obsessive-thoughts
And work on yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2018):
See a therapist about this. At the moment, you are still able to see that your desire to be this woman's friend is unhealthy, and you are still (just) able to keep your obsession under control. However, the more that you carry these feelings around, the more they will weaken your sense of reality and they will weaken your ability to control yourself as you are doing at this time.
Obsessions like this are always for someone unavailable but who somehow seems within reach. ie. the person is usually of higher social or employment status, usually seems to have qualities and characteristics that seem unique and, sometimes, the person being obsessed over gives the obsessor the feeling that the obsessor has seen something in them that no-one else can ie. that there is a special connection, or potential for a special connection on that basis.
These kind of obsessions tend to be an indicator of loneliness, lack of strong self esteem, and a need for understanding and acceptance from someone who appears to have the power to grant it. A therapist will help you to look into all of these feelings and to understand how they started - they will guide you through them, helping you to make new choices about how you are living your life.
You have definitely done the right thing to write in for help. This shows you know something isn't right. You are very brave for telling us about this "embarrassing" thing - and you are right that it's very common for people to have fleeting, minor fantasies about others. But take the next brave step and curb this obsession for good, so that you can lead a healthier life in future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2018): This is asker
Therapy isn’t possible as I’ve got very limited money and on strict budget.
Surely that’s a bit drastic ? Other ideas?
It’s be
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2018): We all have people we admire and would love to meet. Obsession is unhealthy.
You're obviously a big fan of this woman; but placing her up on a pedestal and assuming she has a perfect life is far beyond maturity and reason. Nobody has a perfect life; and social media is for the purpose of creating illusion and fostering false-impressions. Her pretentious glamorous life is but illusion and props, not unlike her stage-art.
She goes to the bathroom and puts her underpants on one leg at a time just like you do. She farts and picks her nose like regular people.
You really should get some professional-counseling to calm yourself down to a healthy admiration for her work and performances. Obsessing over her is too much, and wanting to be her friend so bad you feel embarrassed is setting-off alarms in your own mind. Thus you wrote a post to find-out why.
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