A
female
age
26-29,
*adesmith694
writes:I have been adopted and I'm in care at the moment I have struggled for the past year with my identity and not really knowing who I'm meant to be, if that makes sense. It saw my birth mum a few months ago and it really hit me and I'm sort of really confused I have stopped seeing her becouse I don't find that my relationship with her really had a positive influence. Since then I have felt really lost and mabey that's becouse I need to seak a mother figure but, something's not right and I have no clue what to do. And it's really effecting me Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): No one knows who theyre meant to be when theyre young and older people aer no better . Did you know thousands of adults walk round literally no even knowing their name and address due to Alzheimers.Now i'll bet you can do better than that..at least you could when your awake, not sleeping. My message to you is to drop the worry and find out the things you do and dont like, then work towards expanding something you enjoy into a possible livlihood, or just pick a career. Your life will be what it will be, you can shape it, but you cant possibly control all events because no one can but how you adapt and change helps to shape the person you are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2015): You say you're adopted but in care at the moment, are you no longer with the parents who adopted you? It's incredibly hard growing up and finding your own identity, but it's even harder when you have a feeling of not belonging and not knowing more about your own past. Just because you've met your birth mother, you now see that doesn't always fix things. If you are no longer with your adoptive parents I would look to reconcile things with them, they CHOSE you - they didn't have to have you, they weren't bound to you by a blood relationship but they wanted to guide you and be there for you as a parent. Also, everyone has feelings of no knowing who they're meant to be, you're in that stage of life where you are becoming an adult and so naturally are trying to look to others adults as some sort of guide. Seriously, the only person who can decide who and what you want to be is you. Your own happiness depends on you, your own future depends on you. What makes you happy? What makes you feel proud of yourself? When you know those things, you'll have a better idea of what you want from your life - you will want to be the person who has that happiness and sense of pride in yourself. Don't be afraid of your independence. You've likely been through an awful lot, use that strength to become a strong woman. Maybe you've always wanted to travel the world or see a particular place; save up and do it by yourself. Show yourself you can do anything, don't wait for someone else to save you - all you need is you.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 July 2015):
 have you spoken to your carers about this? i am sure they will be able to arrange some counselling to help you come to terms with things. for what its worth - some people that have stayed with their birth mother all their life do not have a good relationship with them, so please don't feel bad that your meeting with her left you feeling disappointed. if you are open to people you will meet good friends who could end up being mother figures to you, in the absence of your biological mother
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (23 July 2015):
Oo sweetie I wish I could give you a cuddle and tell you it will be okay .. Can I ask why your back in care system. Here a Lil about me as if I ask a q's I share a Lil. I'm a mental health nurse and I have three children. Our oldest is adopted but to me he is my boy .. He was my birthday present and he was planned . Our middle was my Christmas present as had near Christmas and a surprise .Our youngest is a muppet. She was a Lil shock.Our oldest knows he's adopted; he's now 22 years of age but to us he's ours and we are his family .He never q's his past history . His biological mother was quite a mess . He arrive as I said on my birthday aged 6 ..What age were you adopted at ? Someone people don't cope when their adopted sons and daughters go off on one and believe me, our son has behavioural issues at times. But as I tell him it doesn't change the fact I live him and this is his home I just have never condoned his naughty behaviour .Is there anyway you can salvage anything with your adopted family .. everyone needs someone to be theirs . If you give more details it may clarify my advice a littleSending a hug though .
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