A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if my husband is in love with me anymore...We never just have sex when I am in the mood...only when he is, he has been wanting to try a swingers lifestyle and I’m just not sure that is my cup of tea...he has never laid hands on me before in our 10 year relationship, but today he crossed that line. He often gets this disgusted look on his face when I make him angry. I can make him so mad at me here lately over some of the most stupid things...I say something wrong, do something wrong example took the kids to a fall fair without him (only cuz he works nights) he blew up threw up divorce over me taking them to the fair...when I was prego with my second child I found txt to my sis he made, then the she told me he was in love with her but didn’t want her to say anything because it would hurt me, had overages on our phone over txt so when I call to straighten that out it was txt to a younger female pretty explicit stuff...he swears to this day that he never did any of the above (my sis often tells lies so I’m confused on who to believe...he has never give me doubts about his faithfulness before)...his family and I do not get along…his mom wanted him to marry a childhood friend of his whom I am going to call Mandy…he never brings up “Mandy” until his mom says something…now he wants to look her up on Facebook…(thing is his mom tried several things in the past to bring “Mandy” between us so I befriend her on facebook without them knowing and just so happens “Mandy” only works a block away from where my husband does. I am very insecure about myself because I am heavy…a lot of this activity didn’t come about until I decide to get the lapband done. OMG...so confused don’t know what to do...
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divorce, facebook, in the mood, insecure, swinging Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Come on u r his wife. You have every right to challenge him. Let him know what you feel and what you want. If you are not in a mood for sex tell him so. If you don't like his mom's involvement tell him so but nicelly and calmlly in an objective and reasonable way. Stand firm. Let him know you are not for granted and you have choices. Be yourself.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 I'm not sure the question should be whether he loves you. Rather, it should be whether the life you describe in this post is the life you want to be living. You describe a man with a temper, who is controlling, and who may be having inappropriate contact with other women. A man who is selfish in bed and is pressuring you to introduce other people to that bed. And you imply that he has recently become physically abusive.
I can't quite imagine any of this is what you visualized as a little girl dreaming about your knight in shining armour. What you're describing are serious issues, and your own insecurity seems to prevent you standing up for yourself and your children. That's not a healthy place for you to be.
Is there someone you can speak to -- a parent, a priest, a neutral friend -- who can give you some objective advice? Because the fix for your situation does not involve you not doing things that make him mad. If the marriage can be fixed at all it involves him growing up and behaving like a civilized person.
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