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male
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*an0306
writes:Hi.I've known a girl for about a year. She has made it very clear to me that she really likes me and wants to form a relationship with me. I really like her too. She had a great personality and she is someone I would normally go for. The only problem for me is her looks. I don't find her at all physicly attractive. So should i get with her just because i like her personality? I don't really know if it will be good enough for me but also, I really want to be with someone now and I don't want any regretsAdvice would be good.. Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dan0306 +, writes (27 August 2011):
dan0306 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advive. I think i will listen to you guys and not take things any further with her
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Sounds like she's a "best friend" instead of a "girlfriend".
You CAN be best friends with a girl. You just need to love her personality but not be attracted to her. Oh, look! You already have that going! Well then, you're set! :-D
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (24 August 2011):
I have to agree with the other advice given. Do not pursue a relationship, it wouldn't be fair to her. Mutual attraction is virtually a must in order for a relationship to work. While women can become attracted to a man over time it usually doesn't work the other way for guys. For a guy, the first impression of a woman tends to stick. So it is very unlikely that you'd change your view in time.
As great as her personality is, ultimately the lack of attraction is a deal breaker.
Best of luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Look you do not like this girl if you are not attracted to someone how can you go out with them or do anything with them.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (24 August 2011):
 You will end up hurting her if you start a relationship.
She is going to want affection, sex, public displays of affection.
Your body language might be able to lie for a little while that you adore her, like being near her, touching her...
After awhile, the truth comes out. She will wonder why you are not craving her body, not seeking kisses, not reaching out to her, etc.
You do not have to tell her that you find her unattractive, but that you do not feel the full chemistry you think a potential couple should have.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 I advise you not to be in a relationship with her. For your sake and hers. You are not physically attracted to her, and physical attraction is very important for a good relationship. You can overlook it as much as you can, but you can never fully give yourself to her, because it will always stand in the way. And you will also begin to feel bad about it, feel guilty about it, especially if she ends up loving you so much, and you know you can never give 100% back to her.
Which is why, for her sake as well as yours, you shouldn't be with her. Imagine if she was a boy, who had a GREAT personality. Should you still be with a boy because he's so great and looks shouldn't matter? Could you force yourself to like what you don't?
The answer is: no, you can't. You can't make yourself attracted to her when you aren't. Do not worry. There will be other men that will find her attractive, and there will be other women with wonderful personalities that you find attractive as well. The entire point of dating is to find someone who suits you in all areas, so you can give not just 50%, but 100%. You should be with someone you find attractive. Don't settle. She should be with someone who finds her physically attractive as well.
I say this from personal experience. I once had a long term relationship with a man I wasn't physically attracted to. Certain parts of him were ok as I got used to him, but my first impression of him was "He's ugly!". I still went for him because he was such a wonderful person to be around, and he had strong feelings for me. But really.. the first time we got intimate and kissed I had to block out certain parts, and the first time I saw him naked I had to really reach out to the deepest corners of my brain to not look at him and think "He's fat and ugly!". I had to tell myself over and over "he's such a wonderful person, and a body is just a body, and I should love him even though" and then tried to find PARTS of him that I could focus on that were beautiful.
But I could not admire his body as a whole, and there were certain parts of his body that were a turn off. I did so well to get used to him, and I did so well I could have managed to stay with him for longer, but it did take it's toll on the sex. The sex was bad. When I look back on it all I also think to myself how stupid I was. I mean.. why should anyone try to go against what they are attracted to?? There's no reason why, and you're going against what's natural to you and what is good for you! You're trying to be something you are not, and it will eat you up from the inside.
I was advised back then to leave him be and find someone else that I was attracted to. I didn't listen. So I guess neither will you. But anyway, here goes: don't get with her! You aren't attracted to her. You wont ever be attracted to her. You can't change what you find attractive, and you shouldn't try to be someone you are not. It'd be just like asking you to like boys when you like girls. It's about what you're attracted to!!!
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