A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi all! i need some advice on my boyfriend situation. i love him, he loves me, we've been together for over 16 months now and i've no doubt in my mind that we will spend the rest of our lives together. the issue lies in the fact that he drinks and i dont. i will attend parties w/ and w/o him and i know he goes too. im ok with that, but im not ok with him drinking. ive tried many times to get past it but i just keep returning to this icky feeling in my stomach. what you need to know to better understand the situation is that he is a wonderful boyfriend and he doesnt drink all that often but when he does i dont like the person he is because of my own fears and worries. now im prob not a normal gf because i dont worry about him and other girls i dont worry about him cheating or even looking at another, but i freak out and worry about him getting a ticket or hurt. im like a crazy mom worried about her kids, but you see i cant help it because i love him sooo dang much. but i want to better i want to be okay with him drinking because of the fact that he rarely does now because he knows i dont like it, but i dont feel it fair of me to ask him to cut it out of his life entirely because he enjoys that and enjoys hanging out with the guys. but since he will be turning 21 here in the next year i wont be able to even use the "its technically illegal" reason anymore...and i know he will go to bars and i know he will drink and that will be his right. but i have a right to worry and not like that he drinks. but i want to be the best gf possible for him. so if any of you could please please suggest how i might get past this worrying and being upset when he drinks that would be very appreciated (and advice that does not include me drinking would be most helpful, because i dont plan to drink, never have)thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Hi Love,Are you saying your b/f is getting violent in anyway when he drinks? as you said you dont like the way he is with you.Hunny you cant change someone just as you wouldnt change and start hitting the bottle.Has he always been like this and has it got worse as sometimes when you constantly tell someone not to do something they will do it all the more, Now im not saying thats it in your case, But it does happen...If he is getting aggresive in anyway love while drinking then I would advise you to keep away, If he gets defensive as he feels under pressure as not to drink then its best you go out with your friends and him with his when he wants to have a drink, I no you are saying its not legal at the moment im not sure how your laws work as here there is no legal age if having a drink at home with respossible adults, and its 18 before you can go into bars. When he reaches 21 he will want to go out with mates my son just hit 18 and is out every weekend...Id be worried if it is abusive behavior hunny and I would advise you in that situation to not be in a relationship like that...If its lads having a little fun then thats to be expected, and as you dont drink and never have or will then this could be a major problem for you in a relationship with someone that likes the odd pint.. You mention about your worries and fears and that points at the way he treats you in a bad way this I dont like the sound of, But im also wondering if you have had anyone in your life who had a drink problem and that is where your fear stems from. Also you mention him getting a ticket or getting hurt is this driving while drinking love, as that is a understandable worry and very wrong of him, There is so much I can read into your problem ive tryed to cover your worries I hope this helps Im only to glad to help love so if I have got it completely wrong in anyway please feel free to message me and ill talk some more to you TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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