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I'm not going to stop seeing my LDR Bf because a friend doesn't like him. But how do I best handle the situation?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Long distance, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, *rueLoveWaits2016 writes:

I haven't been dating my boyfriend for very long.

He treats me well, loves me and cares about me. We are long distance, so most of my friends have not met him.

The thing is my best friend got offended by what he posted online because he has different beliefs and outlook on life. He has never personally attacked her or her beliefs.

He is coming down to see me and I am super excited, but my friend might not even come over for a party I'm throwing because my boyfriend will be there.

My boyfriend isn't going anywhere and I'm not going to stop dating him just because someone was offended. Opinions?

View related questions: best friend, long distance

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (31 December 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntOut of curiosity can I ask what it was he posted online so I can try and understand this more? If you don't want to share that information I totally understand and just go with what your heart tells you is right.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntLike I said, as long as he's not homophobic/sexist/racist/transphobic/etc. or being nasty about people's appearances, I don't see why you shouldn't still date him. If his beliefs are just different to hers and not discriminatory, then I think she just needed to ignore him.

Well, it's sorted now. Just be careful, though, as you haven't known him long and have just lost your best friend because of something he said and you couldn't/wouldn't resolve it with her - which is unusual between close friends. I think there's more to it than this, that we're not getting because you don't feel it's relevant, but just be careful, as friends are normally more important to keep than guys you've just started dating.

Good luck - merry christmas.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States +, writes (23 December 2016):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The problem figured itself out. After I told her not to meddle in my business, she blocked me online and isn't texting me, oh well.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (22 December 2016):

Honeypie agony auntYou can't please everyone and really, YOU are the one dating this guy, not your friend. She doesn't HAVE to like him.

If she doesn't want to meet him or come to your party, that is fine, she doesn't HAVE to.

If she gets so triggered by what he writes, maybe she should HIDE his feeds?

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (22 December 2016):

chigirl agony auntIf she wants to be offended, let her. So what if she does not come to the party. You can have a good time without her. There is no point in wasting time trying to please everyone and make everyone happy. What matters is that you are happy.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States +, writes (22 December 2016):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Actually I have met him in person, twice. I talked to him for over 2 months (vid chat, facebook, texting) before we actually met up. Thank you and have a happy holidays!

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A female reader, Nittynora United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2016):

Nittynora agony auntWhy should you stop seeing him. If your friend told you to jump under a bus would you? NO you would not.

Your friend sound childish so just because someone does not agree with her she throws a tantrum. If she does not turn up for a party well that's her choice, let he sulk if she wants too.

I would be a bit wary of her, maybe she is a bit jealous. I would ditch the friend and keep the boyfriend, and she needs to grow up. Enjoy your party and your boyfriend, ignore her and let her come to you.

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A female reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] United States +, writes (22 December 2016):

[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony auntPeople often misconstrue what is said online in the form of texts because they cannot easily decipher if they're being rude, serious, or joking around. Some things may come across as offensive. I'm not sure what he said but it sounds like whatever it was it didn't go well with your friend.. To the point of them not even wanting to be anywhere near him. Ouch.

It's a tough situation to be in, I've been in long distance relationship as well, we met and yeah. (Long story) Could I ask you though, you don't have to... To at least have someone else there when you're meeting him for the first time? It is the internet and I know it sounds absurd but you never truly know their intentions. Just be cautious.

Let your friend know that you love him and if they care about your happiness that you would appreciate their presence at the part for him. Maybe this could give your friend the chance to get to know him beyond the posts he's made and can see how he is with physical interaction. That would be a better way to see whether or not they like them as a person rather than judge them because of a few posts.. Maybe he didn't mean it the way they had thought. Sometimes things are blown completely out of proportion.

She should at least give him a shot, you don't have to forfeit a relationship because a friend disapproves. If you're both happy, then a true friend would be happy for you as well.

Best of luck and have a wonderful holiday.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIf they aren't racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/etc. beliefs, then I can understand you not wanting to break up with him over it. I think they need to meet in person, though.

If your friend doesn't want to, don't make her. Maybe they just won't get along.

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