A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I watch porn quite regularly and it's usually straight porn. I have sex with girls quite regularly and i do enjoy their company but for the past couple of years i've been thinking about boys too. I have started to watch gay porn and i love pictures of "twinks" and very sexy male models. I can't help my self thinking about boys but i know i am straight. I slept round my cousins house one day and i found myself giving him foreplay and a blowjob. I enjoyed this sensation but again i keep telling myself that i am straight. I've been bullied for being camp all my life but i don't want to be gay. Everybody is hetrosexual at my school in Yorkshire and i know that i would be despised and deserted if i came out as bisexual. But i hate gay people and the gay porn that i do watch i get turned off by camp boys. I only enjoy looking at straight boys acting gay. I don't like gay people and i know that i'm not gay. But i can't stop thinking about cock. Please help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Skweebuu  +, writes (31 October 2009):
That bullying must have been pretty traumatizing... Personally I was in the same boat, I was about 15 when I started getting turned on by guys... I kept it a secret for the same reason (jerks calling you names)... But I found a nice guy (who had a girlfriend who was also very very helpful in this matter) who I could talk to about anything. I one day strayed the topic into sexuality and told them that I often fantasize about guys too... They told me I was probably a bisexual... That was the end of it, I liked guys and girls, I loved cock and pussy, I was obviously bisexual... We all liked it and spent the summer experimenting (USE A CONDOM!)... Back when I was 'straight' I would probably make fun of you for trying so hard to be something your not. Try not to let ass holes control your morals.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): The biggest question is, do you still get aroused by women? Can you still have an orgasm thinking about women? If so, then you are probably just curious and are attracted to both men and women. You shouldnt hate gay people or try so hard to convince yourself you arent gay. If females really dont turn you on anymore and you only like men, then you might be discovering that you yourself are gay. But there is nothing wrong if you like both and are exploring you sexuality. Try a threesome with someone who is a bi and a girl. I dont know how hard things are in the U.K. when it comes to sexuality, but if you dont want to let it out, just try to keep it personal and only talk about it with other guys who are bi.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): You have to stop hating yourself!
You say you hate gay people and know you're not gay. But sweetheart, you ARE gay, or at least bi. Any doubt about that surely should have disappeared when you sucked a man's cock and enjoyed it.
Of course there's all sorts of hormones raging there at the age of 16-17, and you also have to contend with 'internalised homophobia' which basically means you've been hurt by all the bullying and teasing you had to put up with from mean cruel people in school which has led you to see gay sexuality as something sick and shameful.
I've been there. Like you, I tried SO hard to not be gay. Like you, I was always teased in school for being a 'fairy', 'pansy' 'queer' etc (I'm small, slim, girlish and a bit camp) and HATED the abuse. Like you, I gave my first blowjob at 16 - loved the pure thrill at the time, but felt really ashamed and slutty afterwards and cried myself to sleep that night, thinking 'I've always been called these names and now it turns out they were right'.
You can't force yourself to be straight. 'i can't stop thinking about cock'....of course you can't! The reason you feel this lust for men is because they're SO sexy! Be honest with yourself: when was the last time you made it through a whole day and night without fantasising about cock? Not easy, is it?
You'e two options: repress your sexual identity, or learn to love it. You can't just switch off your feelings like a light-switch, you're still going to feel tingles when you pass a hot guy on the street.
Resisting it and hating yourself isn't going to solve any problems or make you happier. Since you've already sucked cock and found out how good it feels, and you're past the age of consent, I don't see ANY sense in denying your desires at this stage, I think you should pursue them. You need to face and accept the fact that you're gay (or bi) and try to become comfortable with it.
I really hope it works out for you, best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): It sounds like you're struggling with who you think you should be vs. who you are. Developing a sexual identity is a pain. It's not easy. The current mainstream belief on sexuality is that it's not 'white and black; it's a spectrum. Basically, if sexuality were on a scale, "1" being super gay, "10" being super straight, many people would fall somewhere in between the two extremes.Why would you hate it if you liked guys? Sure it may not be popular, but it's healthy to be different. That doesn't mean to say that I think you should COME OUT to people who will bully you for being bisexual. Use your own judgement in that case. Admitting to yourself one thing and admitting that to others publicly are two very different things. Be safe, be brave, and have FUN experimenting! That's how you learn about who you really are!-Kevin
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