A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend says that he loves me but I don't feel the love. I work and go to school and he has a full time job. I make time for him. I have a longer day than him where I get home around 12am to only get up at 6am. He still wants me to plan out dates and what not even though he has more free time on his hands. He complains when I don't go see him on my day off even though that's the only day for me to catch some sleep and do homework. I've done so much for him already but I feel like it's one sided. He says he's doing his best but I don't feel it. He's not going out his way to do things for me like I've done for him. Am I asking too much? What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2018): We want and expect many things in our relationships; but we fail to communicate our needs to our partners. If you need and want more time and effort from your boyfriend, ask him for it. You also have to update each other you change and your needs change. You also need to encourage and reward your partner now and then to keep the good things flowing.
If this one-sided love-affair continues; consider the possibility that you are more into him, than he is into you.
Uneven-relationships cannot flourish. It takes the work of two. You both must reciprocate and demonstrate how much you care for each other, and prove how much you want your relationship to work.
You must seriously consider if your boyfriend truly wishes to be in a relationship. It may have run its course.
If you're doing all the work, it could be because he's not your match; but you continue to hold-on to him trying to force feelings out of him that he doesn't have for you. He may care for you, but his feelings may not run as deep as yours.
When I suggest communication, I don't mean try to "talk" him into caring for you. I mean you need to ask him if he wants to be in a relationship with you; and tell him what it takes and what you need for that to happen.
Tell him that you've tried to work it out other times before; but you haven't seen any change. You also need to ask him what he wants from you. You have to both be on the same page. If there is no way to compromise, there is no way for things to work between you.
In such cases, you decide if it's good enough to continue.
He has to put as much energy and effort into it as you do.
If nothing really changes and he keeps making excuses; it's up to you to decide if he's doing enough. If not, stop clinging to him. You have to let him go.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 March 2018):
 You might have to spell it out for him WHAT you expect of him and how you view HIS expectations. Maybe you are both "off" in what you expect of the other?
However, if you are left feeling that YOU do all the work, giving up ALL your free time for him and he doesn't reciprocate, then maybe this is no longer a functioning even relationship.
Words are cheap, OP It's easy to say " I love you" to someone but it doesn't always reflect IN their actions which makes the words seem empty.
Could also be that the two of you SHOW love in different ways and don't really recognize how the other shows it or likes to receive it.
try a http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
Have him do it too and see what comes up.
If you want this to work, you two will have to get better at communicating more precisely and perhaps be better at finding compromises.
...............................
|
