A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My problem is that I'm currently involved with a great guy, but I'm not really attracted to him. Here's the deal:We're high school juniors and we've been friends for a while. I've only ever seen him as a friend, nothing more. Well, a few weeks ago, my other friend told me that he was asking her about me and that he wants to ask me to Prom. I was mainly just excited that someone liked me, and I figured he's a great guy, so how could I not like him back?He's super smart, friendly, athletic, musical, has the same religious views as me, sweet, and good-looking. We are very similar intellectually and emotionally. Overall, he's a very attractive person. The thing is, I haven't found myself actually attracted to him. I figured if I could just give it some time, my attraction could develop.So, I responded to his flirty texts, let him sit next to me when we hung out with friends, and smiled at him whenever possible. And I could tell he was liking me more and more, or he was just becoming more open about it.The other day, he got the help of our friends to ask me to Prom in the cutest way ever. Just because I'm paranoid about people I know reading this, I won't divulge details, but I can tell you with absolute confidence, it was big. It's cuteness and excitement would've sufficed for a marriage proposal. Of course, I said yes.Then after he asked me, we all watched a movie at my friend's house. He sat next to me and I could tell he was nervous. Half-way through, he put his arm around my shoulder. I discovered that night that I don't really like him nearly as much as he likes me.I mean, when we're around each other, I can see him get nervous and giddy, but I just feel awkward. I've dated other people before, and usually by this point I'm more open about my flirtiness and way past awkward. But with him, it's not even a good awkward. I don't get butterflies or fantasize about kissing or whatever. I just feel awkward about everything I say and do. What I do do feels forced.He's an amazing guy. I can't think of anyone else I know that I would be a better match for. We are basically the same person emotionally and intellectually, and he's not too hard on the eyes either. But I'm just not attracted to him. Should I keep faking interest in the hopes that maybe soon I'll feel it for real?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): No you will not feel anything.
This chemistry doesn't happen because you consider him as a friend only. You need a real shock to feel attracted to him, like he interested in another girl, or leaving you. You already know how good he is to you, but you'll only feel it the day he will not be their for you.
However, it's no use forcing yourself to be with him because you'll end up hurting him badly, as he'll be investing a lot on you.
Tell him you like him more like a friend than a boyfriend. Tell him its not his fault, but just your feelings not right for a relationship.
However, it will be humiliating for him not to go to the prom with him, because everyone knows how he proposed. So you can ask him to go as friends.
The problem is you have more chance of loving him after the break-up, than if you stayed together. Because he'll move over you.
Please don't be selfish, don't hurt him. Leave him without blaming him, but blaming the situation you are in( friends with him).
Good luck.
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