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female
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*OO
writes: i met my partner two and a half years ago, we had an affair, he left his wife and moved in with me eighteen months ago. he has two children with the wife and another little one who lives ten minutes from us.my problem is that neither of the two mothers will allow me to have anything to do with the children but also my partner is only allowed to see the kids on the mothers say so. im pushing for him to see his children more but both mothers want to be in charge and only allow him to see them when they are their too. both the mothers would have him back like a shot. and now because ive told him all my insecurities, not so much the amount of time he wants to spend with the children but the amount of time he is with the two women, he says he cant do anything about it. am i supposed to just sit their alone wondering whats going on, knowing both mothers have told him i am not allowed to have anything to do with them and i suppose my pride is hurt. i think im jelous and its because he cant let go of these women but i need to deal with it before it ruins our relationship which is lovely in every other way. someone please help me understand my man
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): you know it really sounds like both these women still have feelings for this man. It sounds like both women may be jeleous of you and his relationship and the only way the women can deal with it is by trying to make you out to be the bad one. They probibly feel threatened by you being the other mom role in there childrens life and it makes them both very jeleous. Hang on through it because in time they will have to get over it right? And it is your mans responsibility to stand up for you and say that you can be around HIS kids too. So speak your mind about it and son't let anybody tell you what to do you make you feel bad about yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Why doesn't your "man" speak with a lawyer to find out what his rights are? I do understand why the women are acting this way but in no way should they dictate his life. They are using their kids as leverage against him.
As for you, do not be jealous of these other women. He is with you now and you must give him your trust until he gives you a reason not to. On the days he visits his kids, go out with some friends and do something to take your mind off his "visit.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Sorry but I'm a firm believer that you reap what you sow. You broke up his marriage so the wife is repaying you in the only way she can. If he wants to see his kids, your boyfriend has to play by the wife's rules. Guess you will just have to live with it. And keep a close eye on that partner, he sure does get around, doesn't he?!
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A
female
reader, Cleo  +, writes (31 October 2006):
You can't help who you fall in love with but every action has a consequence. The consequence of breaking up a marriage to be with the one you love when children are involved is as you decribe.
I am not surprised the mothers do not want you to see the children and to be honest it is not really your business.
If you love him then support him and be there for him, if he loves you you have no reason to be jealous.
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