A
male
age
36-40,
*rew
writes:Dear People,I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 23. We've been together for about 6 months now and we both love each other. Over the past 6 weeks she has been at trainng for her work which means she spends 5 days staying at her training camp and comes back at the weekend. Pretty much since she has started training (and probably a few weeks before) I have become the most paranoid person in the world, as there are lots of men at the trainng thing none of which i have met before. And she tells me two of the girls she is staying with have cheated on their partners with other people at the camp. So I;ve been asking her where she is, what she's doing and who with all the time. I'm worried now that i'm driving her away and she's now lieing to try and keep me from asking questions.. A few nights ago she was really upset and wouldn;t tell me where she was when i was speaking to her after a night out with her training people. she later told me that that night she got upset about me constantly texting her, and she was with two guys, who she was telling all about my paranoia problem. She swears to me that she hasn't cheated on me.. but i dunno... i feel like i'm going crazy... i love her so much but can;t decided if i've pushed her away so much that she has cheated on me... or that i'm still being paranoid.,,,,,,, aahhhAlso about 80% of my sexual partners have been with girls who have had boyfriends... which I totally regret now. I just think someone like who I used to be, is going to come along and take my girlfriend away...Don't know what to do.... not sure if i can forget about her confiding in two random guys, who i don;t know, and if she cheated on me with one of them or not?,.. or can i just get over it all and stop being so paranoid...??? thank you!!!!..advice much appreciated...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): I just wanted to say i'm glad there's someone else out there like me!I'm well paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me or falling out of love with me, I think it's coz I love him so much that the thought of being apart from him makes me feel sick I just wouldn't cope!! It drives me crazy always questoning whether he still loves me, it's just not healthy, I even analyse every text he sends me and if it doesn't say I love you I panic!!!Sorry i have no advice for you though, just wanted you to know I totally understand where you're coming from!!!
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 I'm glad we've helped you, Drew. ^_^ I also pmed you.
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A
male
reader, Drew +, writes (30 May 2007):
Drew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for your answers. They have helped me so much and kept my from being an a**hole. I'm still having paranoid thoughts but I think i can keep them under control now, and hope that things will get better with time. What you guys do is great, you've given me the support it appears I really needed... fingers crossed for the future. All the very best,
Drew xxx
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (30 May 2007):
 Having been with your girlfriend for quite a time i think you should have trust which you must have had before she was away a lot.
Its only natrual that you miss her, try not to be too paranoid. Just tell her that you miss her a lot and you want you relationship to work. Other guys are sure to fancy your girl but it doesnt mean she is interested in any of them when she has you.
Dont keep on at her about this as you may push her into chatting with these guys or breaking things off with you.
xxxx
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (30 May 2007):
Oh, I forgot to address this part "Don't know what to do.... not sure if i can forget about her confiding in two random guys, who i don;t know, and if she cheated on me with one of them or not?"
First, forget about her cheating on you with one of these guys. You don't know that it happened and it will drive you crazy to keep thinking about it. Best to move forward.
Okay, second - how can you forget about her confiding in two random guys? Well, if she's friends with them, then they're not exactly random, are they? Sure you don't like it - I don't think anyone would be thrilled about this. But she had to talk to someone because talking to you was not getting her anywhere. Can you really blame her? If she is willing to forgive you for the things that you said and did, don't you think you owe it to her to forgive and forget her talking with these two guys? Remember, this is another opportunity where you can be supportive. It's good that she has found friends, and you DON'T know that she's cheated on you with one of them. And even if they like her more than a friend, she is with YOU.
Has something happened in the past where she's cheated on you? Have you cheated on her? I don't see why you're so up in arms about all of this. If you were with other girls who cheated on their bf's then what's that got to do with her? Honestly I'd be insulted if I were her to learn that you would even compare people like that to her. You have to focus on the relationship where it it NOW. Not a relationship from her past, from your past... YOU TWO are together now, okay?
Until you know something for sure, don't keep thinking about it. It will just fester. And you will feel worse than you do now.
Stay positive! Think about how great it will be to see her when she comes back! And tell her how you can't wait to see her and do fun things. But make sure that you stay supportive of her being there. (Have I said that enough? ^_^)
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (30 May 2007):
 Think about it from your girlfriend's point of view. She knows you're paranoid, you're constantly texting her, you ask her if she's cheating on you - she must feel like you really don't trust her at all!
It may be hard not to, but by treating her like this it sounds like you're probably pushing her away more than drawing her closer to you. If you keep on like this, she could easily get put off by your constant paranoia and lack of faith in her.
Sure, if she wanted to cheat on you the oppurtunity is there, so make things so she doesn't want to. Make an effort to make her want to be with you - you only see each other at weekends so keep her interested! After all, if you lack trust in someone who spends the best part of the week away, you could easily get obsessed with your paranoia.
Good luck!
Mushgirl xxx
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (30 May 2007):
Hi Drew,
Calm down! Nobody wants to be with a nag and someone who interrogates them at every opportunity. If I were you, I would stop asking so many questions all the time. That's a given and something you already seem to understand.
Okay - now on to patching things up. If I were you, I would get a really pretty card and write a love letter to her and tell her that you're sorry about how you've been acting. You don't want to sound needy, though. There's a fine line between sounding like you can't live without her and being sweet. I suggest saying something like you are with her because of [something sweet she does], [how she makes you feel], and how you're glad that you've found someone like her. Also look up some lovey-dovy letters online and in the bookstore. I would send it to her along with a bunch of flowers. Or maybe a cute little album and a disposable camera so it shows that you are supportive of her. ^_^ (Oh, that would be cute and so meaningful!)
So how do you stop being paranoid now that you've made the steps to fix up the relationship? Learn how to trust your girlfriend. She is with you for a reason. She told you about these other girls cheating, but I have feeling she said that for a couple of reasons. One, to hear you get jealous and make her feel wanted (although it seems you have gone overboard) or two, so that she could hint how she'd never do that to you. (Or maybe she was gossiping?)
But back to what I mentioned earlier, you have to trust your girlfriend. I think after getting used to the fact that she is gone and on her own for a bit, you'll not be as affected by this situation. Once enough time passes and you know that nothing has happened, you'll feel better. But you have to let her have time to herself!
Do you have a friend that you could talk with about how you're feeling? Or maybe you could write all of your feelings in a journal. But I would not keep calling and telling your girlfriend because she is going to feel smothered by you.
Hope this helps!
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (30 May 2007):
 Paranoia can eat away at you if you dont control it and it sounds like it has already had an effect.
While she is away you have to trust her, there are no other choices. Your constant texting, asking questions is only questioning her faith in you and showing her your lack of faith in her.
To be honest while she is away you have no control anyway, so give her the space she needs and let that feeling of trust return.
It does sound like your past has come back to haunt you now your on the other side. Be strong about this, remember that she loves you and she would not getting upset if there wasnt some strong emotions attached to your relationship. have a bit of faith in her.
R
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