A
male
age
41-50,
*onfusedInFL
writes:I have a major problem. In the summer of 2004 I had a relationship with a married woman I myself am married (was then too). We were both separated from our spouses at the the time of our relationship. She had 3 kids with her husband, I fell hard for her and loved her enough to let her marriage work its course and I backed away. I decided I should try to make it work with my wife and 3 kids. Things didn't go as planned for me as my wife and I pulled away and argued more and more. I had my own apartment and she had hers with our kids. Well me and the married woman stayed in contact which I'm sure didn't help her marriage at all. During the summer of 2005 her husband left her (not because of me but because he wanted someone else) and we connected again. In the heat of the moment we conceived a child. Well I decided it was best we didn't keep not that I'm for abortion but we were both still legally married and this would've devastated both of our spouses. She told me she hated me and vowed to never speak to me again. After that I decided to do whatever it took to get my family back together and 3 months later my wife found out she was pregnant. Fast forward to August 2006, I received a call from my sister saying guess who I just saw? It was the other woman she told me that her and her husband are back together and I asked if they just had a baby she said yes a boy...I told her that was my child. I met with the other woman and she introduced me to my son but wouldn't allow me to be apart of his life at all. So I told my wife and backed off. I felt horrible knowing I have a son out there who wouldn't get to know me so I went to her family and plead my case. Fast forward to January 2009 I receive a call from my son's mother telling the time is now and that she doesn't want to punish our child because of her past anger for me. I have been spending time with him without telling my wife. I don't know how to tell her now as she thinks that the other woman will never let me have anything to do with him. I need to know how to go about this, I want my other 4 kids to know their brother. I'm confused...and don't know what to do.
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male
reader, ConfusedInFL +, writes (8 February 2009):
ConfusedInFL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell all was good with the situation while I had nothing to do with the child because of the mother. Now she's come around and I know what I should do...it's not that easy. My son's mother keeps telling me I should get it over with because she doesn't want our son in a hostile environment ever. And I know I made my bed I did 3.5 years ago.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): Well you certainly are in a big fix aren't you? There are no magic words here. The truth is the truth. Just tell your wife what you told us. She called you and has reconsidered. That she doesn't think it's fair to punish her son for her anger at you and has invited you to be part of his life. And that you have no more feelings or this woman, that's all in the past, but you would like to take responsibility for your son and let your children know their brother. She forgave you for the affair and knows about the boy, so you have made it this far. Perhaps you can hope that she will come around to this as well. But otherwise I'd say you've made your bed and you will have to suffer the consequences with your wife. If she's open to it, then let her set the terms that she would be comfortable with.
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