A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love two women and I don't know what to do. Mary was my first lesbian relationship / first girlfriend ever. We connected very strong sexually, but the emotional and basic relationship compatibility did not match, even though we were madly in love with each other. We fought constantly and broke it off after almost two years. I never stopped loving her. I say she was my one true love, even though she drove me insane.I met Katherine a year after Mary and I broke up. We were extremely compatible in that we both treated each other exactly the way we wanted to be treated, we have the same goals, morals, interests, tastes, ideas, etc. But sexually, Katherine and I are flat-liners. I'm exactly what she wants sexually, but she's not what I want. Basically I'm not sexually attracted to her and constantly compare her to Mary. Because I wasn't satisfied, I broke up with her. Katherine and I have all of the same friends, play on the same sports team, live in the same neighborhood, and do the same things. So we see each other all of the time. Because our relationship was so comfortable, we hang out all the time. She's unabashedly in love with me so it makes the dynamic strange. Mary recently got back in touch with me a few months ago. We go out on dates regularly and have amazing, mind-blowing sex. But the same incompatibility remains. She's into the party lifestyle and doesn't give me the same care and treatment that Katherine gives me. She says she still loves me and sees a life with me, but says she needs time to grow out of her party phase...So basically: I've got Mary who I have this carnal intensity, crazy love, and drama, who may or may not grow up and actually treat me the way I should be treated. And then there's Katherine who's true-blue in love with me, wants the same things that I want, but there's no passion or fire from my end, even though I love her and feel the most comfortable with her. Who do I choose?
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broke up, lesbian, love two Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): I think u choose the one that stays with u
A
female
reader, Fornorina  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 This is totally cliché, but it's totally true. You need to follow your heart.
To me, a relationship is because of the personality of your partner, not the physical side of the relationship and what they look like.
I can see that you are completely torn between both women. I think maybe you need to spend more time with each of them to know who you truly admire? This may not work for you because you might think that you are pulling the two strings, if you know what I mean, but it might help you with that decision you are trying to make.
No one on here is going to tell you who you should or should not be in a relationship with, because it's all about you, and only you. Your feelings, alone.
I think your main problem is deciding who you really love. The one you cannot live without if you had a choice between the two.
I kind of think, if you and Mary had such a good relationship, then why did you break up? Because if you truly loved each other and were serious, you wouldn't have broken up. Yes?
But you say that you get on most with Katherine, which I can understand because you share the same interests.
On my behalf, I think you should choose which woman you prefer spending time with and who you could not live without if you had to choose between the two.
Good luck,
- Fornorina
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